How to defeat jealousy: psychology has opened the curtain of secrecy ...

For a long time psychologists have noticed and been able to confirm by numerous observations, on which psychology is based: jealousy is directly connected with self-esteem. That is, a very jealous person, most likely, suffers from insecurity and reacts painfully to everything. And since each person's self-esteem is subject to change, no one is immune from the disastrous feeling.

Why do some people change and others do not?

In recent years, psychologists have begun to talk about other interesting facts that explain not only the nature of jealousy, but also the mechanism of its action on a person, his family and destiny in general. Scientists have found a reason in the genes: not all are capable of betrayal. Without faithfulness, men begin to doubt and in the faithfulness of their women (such a mechanism in psychology is called a projection). A woman intuitively understands what her chosen one is. And he is jealous if he feels in him the ability to frequent betrayals.

A doubtful fact: the psychology of jealousy is not so simple! It is possible to explain the behavior of a jealous person and the characteristics of upbringing, the nature of relations in the family.

Destroys or refreshes the relationship?

What researchers still agree, so it is in the mechanism. Only jealousy can destroy such a relationship. The psychology of this phenomenon is as follows. Showing distrust of a loved one, we sow in his mind the thought of a possible betrayal: "Since he's jealous, it means I'm capable of treason, why not? .." Not to mention how offensive these accusations are.

Although at the level of jokes and within reasonable limits jealousy can refresh the relationship, bring in them the former excitement. Behavioral manifestations (screams, scandals, accusations, expressions of mistrust) are not proof of love, but they speak of obvious indifference. Do not, however, add fuel to the fire: do not joke with the real "Othello".

How does a fatal feeling arise?

Complex emotions together create jealousy. Psychology "names" among them: anger, bewilderment, fear of losing a loved one and selfishness. It is not always the emotions that are manifested in such a combination. Some of them can dominate. And it is possible to solve the problem in each concrete pair, only after understanding how this complex of emotions and reactions is manifested, is experienced. What exactly causes these reactions in man, what is the lever.

For example, the fear of remaining alone can be grasped by the mind, if a person is really dependent on a love relationship, if in them he sees the meaning of life. In this case, any psychologist will advise you to live your life, expand your interests, not focusing on your loved one. For harmonious relationships, it is of fundamental importance not to lose yourself.

If the reason lies in low self-esteem - in your power to make it dependent on other factors more suitable: from success in work, from respect of colleagues, from creative achievements and other things.

Jealousy manifests itself in different ways. Psychology can prompt the road, and the path will have to go by yourself. Learn to discuss what is happening and together you will find a way out.

The most common lever

In any relationship, sooner or later, there comes a time when we take the other half as a matter of course. Often this is accompanied by a sense of ownership: "do not touch - this is mine!" The main mistake of lovers is to let this feeling capture itself. We begin to prohibit your beloved many things. First, some small thing, then in a rough form, we already say directly what to do and how. No wonder why we get a rebellious reaction to our behavior, expressed not only in physical treachery, but also in psychological: a loved one leaves us, runs away from negative and strangling relationships.

Do not think that this will never happen to you, it's better to insure yourself. It does not turn out completely to remove jealousy from the relationship. The psychology of this phenomenon will tell you how to react more correctly. There is no universal council, but the main principle is: give love, learn to trust and forgive. Protect your relationship, but not with control, domination and jealousy!