Why do conflicts arise between parents and children? How can I solve them?

The theme of intergenerational relationships is very extensive. But there are the most common causes of conflict moments, which should be paid special attention. No matter how careful and understanding parents are, and no matter how hard the children try, conflicts, alas, can not be avoided. This is a kind of step in the adaptation of all family members. So, why there are conflicts between parents and the child.

Causes

The reasons can be both general and specific, related to the psychology of the relationships of close people. So why do conflicts arise between parents and the child? Here much depends on the type of interaction adopted within the family.

There is a type of relationship that is harmonious, as well as the opposite one. In the first case, the concept of mutual assistance is formed in the family, everyone knows their role, and all together the relatives are on the same side of the hedge. Disharmonic type is characterized by a negative model of relations between spouses. Communication occurs with attacks, mutual accusations and hidden or obvious disrespect. Children in such a family initially grow up with a feeling of impassable anxiety.

Conflicts against the background of methods of upbringing: excessive guardianship and prohibitions

Conflicts between parents and the child often arise against the background of methods of upbringing, which have destructive power. Characteristic features of this are, first of all, disagreements between father and mother in key issues. For example, one parent has just forbidden a child to eat candy, at the same time the second urgently suggests it. Such inconsistency leads not only to ignorance of order by children, but also to the emergence of conflicts between adults. Destructive methods also include prohibitions and excessive guardianship, overstated requirements for children's achievements, and frequent comparison with others. Standards of success are recommended to be established within the family, as well as ways of encouraging. Then the children will form a correct idea of real life values and priorities.

Age crises

Crises of a certain age are an additional reason why conflicts arise between parents and children. The statistics of occurrence of such situations exceed 80%. During the transition period, the child tries to revise the value system, which has already developed in the past age range. Crises occur at the first, third, sixth year of life, during puberty, conditionally up to 14 years, and in the adolescent interval - up to 18.

Each of them has its own peculiarities of perception of the external world and interpretation of different situations. The child begins to rebel in those cases, which previously did not even cause questions.

Personal factors and types of relationships

Conflicts between parents and the child often arise due to personal factors. The most common is the conservatism of the older generation. The fact is not so much as its manifestations. These include the reluctance to comprehend the new, listen to the personal opinion of children, as a consequence - disrespect of their point of view. Although in response parents require unquestioning obedience and respect for their many years of experience. This is very similar to dictate, which is an unequivocal mistake adults. Sooner or later, this will lead to an appropriate response. That's why there are conflicts between parents and children.

In what ways communicate representatives of different generations, it is clearly visible on the types of relationships between the senior and junior, which are divided into:

• Optimal, when everyone is happy as much as the situation allows.
• Necessary, in which parents are interested in children's affairs, and those in turn are happy to share their thoughts.
• One-sided or bothersome. In this case, most often adults are initiators of conversations about the affairs of the younger generation. The reciprocal link is made out of a sense of favor.
• Ignoring. When children are happy to share their interests, but in return receive only parental indifference. Often the phrase "yes that you can show new" sounds and in such spirit.
• When the way of life of juniors is a cause for conflict. The older ones turn out to be right.
• When the choice of the younger generation provokes conflict situations with parents, the right turns out to be children.
• Mutual ignoring, when no one shows interest in the affairs of another. Children and parents are often forced to live in the same territory, being at the same time, in fact, strangers.

Why do they conflict?

Why do conflicts arise between parents and children? Because of teenagers and their behavior. Here, in fact, not everything is so simple. Adolescents and parents are in conflict with the following types:

• The elderly constantly raise the bar of success for the child, eventually he becomes tired of fighting for the primacy.
• Super-care, manifested in excessive guardianship and interference of parents in all spheres of the child's life.
• Total control, dictate, non-acceptance by parents of the slightest hint of the child's independence.
• Authority, when everyone tries to prove their worth, whatever it takes.

Children react most often with the following behavior: confrontation, disobedience, and isolation.

Experience is important

We figured out why conflicts arise between parents and children. In what ways can such situations be avoided? Perhaps, no such qualified psychologist can give such recommendations. The fact is that such situations contribute to the emergence of a certain experience, which is very important for the formation of a full-fledged personality. Prevent useful lessons is not, and will not work, even with a great desire.

Equal dialogue

In order to more easily experience natural moments, one should consider the main reasons why there are conflicts between parents and children. How they can be resolved is a matter of interest to very many. Benefit to yourself and the family as a whole can be brought if you perceive emerging contradictions as the norm of healthy development of relations. Do not argue, it is better to listen to the point of view of the child and explain his. It will be a dialogue, not a debate. If the children are still small enough, one should revise their system of prohibitions.

It is necessary to replace "impossible" with "let's try differently". Children should be forbidden to do anything only in case of danger or impossibility of what is happening. All other situations can be resolved peacefully. This approach can always find an answer to the question of why conflicts arise between parents and children. How to solve them, should tell the experience of lived years.

Listen to your child

If in the childhood the present parents were not allowed to have their opinion, then for their child, this situation should be radically changed. You need to hear your own child. Then you can not worry about his unmet needs, because moms and dads will know what is really needed.

Conclusion

Before asking anyone why there are conflicts between parents and a child, you should ask this question yourself. It is necessary to put yourself in the place of the younger generation, to open your mind for something new. Dictatorship should be replaced with the choice given to children. It is important to be consistent with your child, that is, to keep promises.