Syndrome of an excellent pupil in adults and children. How to get rid of the excellent pupil's syndrome?

Among ordinary people, with their advantages and disadvantages, there are also such unusual persons, who are all perfect. Or, at least, they are striving for this. In such representatives of the human race, everything is always laid out on the shelves - both thoughts and things in the cabinets. They are neat and tidy and do their job flawlessly. But for some reason, not all of them are happy. The thing is that their ideality is the result of such a psychological phenomenon as the "excellent student's syndrome".

Ambiguous notion

This concept is one of the "folk" names of the term pathological form of perfectionism. This means that for a person who suffers from them, only the absolute and ideal result of any action is acceptable. That is, no "maybe" and "yes, okay", no shortcomings, but everything is structured, brought to perfection and executed "perfectly well". And so in all aspects of life. Syndrome of an excellent pupil in adults psychology has been studying for a long time and with a passion. In this regard, there are many scientific studies and works, so the awareness of people in this matter is quite high. However, unfortunately, such "excellent" does not become less.

Symptoms

Syndrome of an honors pupil can manifest itself in different ways, and sometimes for him the elementary aspiration of a person to do something right or right can be accepted. But nevertheless there are "bells", on which it is necessary to pay attention, in time to render assistance and support to a close person, child or friend. By the way, both in children and adults, the symptomatology of this psychological ailment is expressed in the same way.

1. The desire to bring everything to the ideal: all the toys are stacked "under the line", in the diary there are always only "five", in the kitchen each pan is brought to a shine, in the car there is not a speck of dust, the shoes are cleaned, the flowers are always watered, and so on. "nearly"! Everything must be brought to perfection.
2. A person reacts painfully to any criticism. Public opinion and evaluation for the work done - above all else in life. Any negative assessment ("deuce" or even "four" for control, reprimand of a strict superior, a remark of a passer-by on the street, etc.) is capable of simply plunging such a person into the deepest depression, causing a very strong psychological disorder or at least greatly saddening and spoiling The mood is very long.
3. Mad jealousy to praise, addressed to other people. A perfectionist can easily fall into hysterics only because the teacher praised today is not his alone or a prize for a successfully executed project was given to several employees at the same time. "Excellent" should always be only the best of the best.
4. Self-sacrifice is the second self of such people. No deprivation will stop them on their way to the ideal. They can sacrifice themselves, their family, interests, recreation, entertainment, in general, absolutely everything, for the sake of performing any task perfectly. Once the goal is achieved, they switch to the next, and then the new victims are already on the move.
5. Constant comparison of oneself with others: no one should be better, no mistakes and mistakes, like the others. If an honors pupil meets on his life path an even more ideal person, then two outcomes are possible. Either "impeccable" will become an ideal for a perfectionist, which should be followed, or such a meeting will lead to a deep depression with serious psychological trauma and consequences.

Causes of appearance

According to the latest research in the field of psychology and genetics, the excellent pupil's syndrome can be both acquired and hereditary. With the genetics of arguing humanity has not yet learned, but to understand what causes such disorders of the psyche, it is quite possible for everyone.

1. Wrongly stated in childhood, that love is not unconditional, it must be earned, and only good deeds. And the better and the right to do everything, the more they will love. How often do parents tell their child: "If you were an excellent student, then I would be proud of you and love you." Or so: "Do not come near me, do not talk to me, because you have behaved very badly today," etc. From such statements the child establishes a link: if one does well and rightly, they will love, and if not - they will not . Hence the desire to do everything perfectly at any cost arises, because love and confession are at stake. Unfortunately, this error can be tolerated not only by parents, but also by teachers, grandparents, and even school friends and classmates. And loving and caring moms and dads just do not understand in time what kind of phenomenon it is and how to fight it.
2. The constant presence of one or more pathological perfectionists in a person's environment can cause so-called "infection" in both the adult and the child. Of course, at the physiological level, no virus or bacteria is transmitted. But at the level of consciousness and subconsciousness, the adoption of skills, character traits and behavior characteristics of another person, with whom there is constant and close contact, is not that rare. As people say, with whom you are led, so you need it. Often, perfectionist parents educate their child in their image and likeness, and as a result, one more person with overstated claims to himself and others, with a painful heightened sense of the imperfection of this world and the desire to bring everything to perfection.
3. Excessive self-criticism can also lead to such a state. Analyzing their failures and misses, a person thinks that if he did the right thing or did something better, then everything would have turned out differently or something would not have happened. This leads in the future to the desire to do everything better, and then the next failure is even better, and so on increasing. Very often it occurs in children who are heavily criticized for mistakes and wrong actions.

Lamentable consequences

What is dangerous pathological perfectionism? The syndrome of an excellent pupil in adult women and men, as well as in children, manifests itself both in psychological problems (limited communication, frequent nervous states, depression) and in physical ailments (disruption of the cardiac and nervous systems, blood pressure jumps, nervous and physical Exhaustion of the body).

Understanding the symptoms, causes and consequences, you can seek help from a psychologist. If there is no such possibility or desire, then, in principle, everyone can work out their own way of dealing with this ailment, using the following tips.

How to help the child?

That your beloved child does not have problems with the formation of his own family, and then with his heirs, it is necessary first of all to provide him with favorable conditions for life and growing up. And the psychological mood plays a paramount role in this regard.

Tip 1: Love and attention

From the time of birth, letting the child understand that love is an unconditional concept. Even if the diary shows a "deuce" or the director took his parents to school for the bad behavior of the student, mom and dad will still love. Yes, they will be upset, an educational conversation will follow and, perhaps, even they will apply some kind of permissible punishment, but at the same time they will be with their whole heart together with their child. And no physical punishment, excessive deprivation or alienation!

Tip 2: Genius is not the most important thing

In order not to nurture the children's syndrome, you should not "sculpt" a genius or a winner from him in all contests, competitions and olympiads. Let the child engage in what he is interested in and carry out tasks that are within his power. Let not an honors pupil, not a prize-winner in ballroom dances, not the winner of the contest of the best sculptures from plasticine, etc., but his favorite, native and mentally healthy!

Tip 3: Diversity and improvisation

If a student spends an excessive amount of time studying, without rest and walks, he sits behind books, tries to be the best pupil for the whole school, this, of course, is good. But, as you know, "a lot of good - also not good." To ensure that such a diligent kid does not earn himself the "excellent student syndrome" along with fives, diplomas and medals, parents should stop being touched and distract their child to something else, to show that there are many things in the world that are not ideal, but so interesting. For example, to get a tradition in the evenings to walk the dog together and talk about everything differently, and use not the same route, but each time to improvise.

Or quite unexpectedly, despite the mountain of unwashed dishes or work that has not been done, gather and go with the whole family to nature to play badminton.

How to get rid of the syndrome of an excellent pupil in adults?

Then, after realizing the existence of a similar problem, you will have to try your own hand. As they say, the salvation of drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves.

Tip 1: Minor changes

Allow yourself at least some negligence. To begin with, you can make a hairstyle that does not involve an ideal styling. Then choose a few things that will not look like the rest of the wardrobe. You can also try to go to bed without washing up the dishes, go to work, without taking a bag of garbage with you that needs to be thrown away, hang towels in the bathroom inappropriate places. At first it will be difficult, but then changing such trifles will make it clear and feel that the world will not collapse, if not everything in it is perfect and flawless.

Council 2: Delegation of Authority

A good way to get rid of the excellent pupil's syndrome is to allow someone to do something for themselves. For example, allow her husband to go to the store and buy any products that he chooses, rather than those that are indicated in the strict list. Or let the colleague herself bring the project to the end, without every minute monitoring and verification. Of course, this will cause a whole wave of emotions, but it will be difficult only the first few times. Then the same principle will work: the world is not perfect, but despite this, it still holds, and people in it are happy.

Tip 3: The process is important, not the result

And, finally, the syndrome of an excellent pupil in adults can be overcome, having learned to enjoy not the result that will be obtained at the end of the path, but every step and moment. After all, not only, for example, the delight of the customer from the seen result of the company's work is important, but every minute spent at work, all the smiles of colleagues, all pleasant memories and bright little things.

To overcome the syndrome of the honors pupil is difficult, but all the same it is quite real. The main thing is not to try to do it "perfectly"!