Abuzer is ... Abuzer: signs, features and treatment

Literally the meaning of the words "abuser" is: abuse - violence, and abuser - a person committing violence, going beyond the permissible. He insults, humiliates and mocks morally over close people.

Christian from the novel "50 shades of gray" is a vivid example of what an emotional type of abuser is. He controls all aspects of the relationship with Anastasia, using isolation, stalking, threats and humiliation. Emotional abyuz in this pair begins after the first meeting and until the last interaction, which we see in the novel.

Basic Definitions

Abuzer is not just a moral and physical "domestic" rapist, but an owner who constantly controls the behavior of a partner. He must know where his woman is. Jealousy is the second name of such a person. Relationships in a pair are arranged in such a way that a woman will always be asked to go somewhere and justify herself because of the slightest delay or changes in the route.

Abuyzer callsily obscures and can start watching, arranges scandals on the slightest occasion. Bring to hysterics, check the communication with other people in the phone and social networks. A person with normal self-esteem and mentality does not have a painful need for constant monitoring and verification of the partner's behavior.

Abuzer is a person who treats relatives inappropriately, exerting pressure on them, most often moral and physical.

Painful control

You can live with the abuser for a long time and do not suspect about it, but justify the behavior of such a person in that:

• he is not quite all there;
• Tired at work;
• He has stress;
• He is an alcoholic;
• He has an unrestrained character.

In a drunken state, a man does not beat passers-by, but raises his hand only on his children and his wife. He because of stress at work does not arrange scandals to colleagues or friends, and brings to the hysterics of the household. The real reason for this behavior is to get control over defenseless people, over your woman, to destroy her as an independent person and dictate her behavior. For the abusers, a woman is a source of hatred, not love and respect.

They are sure that they have a certain status in relation to their wife and children, so the chosen one should think and take care only of him. The house is kept clean, the food is delicious, fresh and served at the exact time, the socks are washed, the shirts are ironed. A wife for him is not a close person, but a servant, and which can be criticized and devalued her work.

Who is an abuser and how to recognize it, or a fairy tale with a bad end

It is extremely difficult to recognize an abuser at the beginning of a relationship, when everything is so romantic and beautiful - these people can be refined and sophisticated in their behavior. On small defects of his man, the woman in love never turns her attention. And when the candy-bouquet time passes, then what was noticed by the edge of consciousness becomes obvious facts.

The sophistication of the abyuser is that he gives the woman everything she wants from a relationship. Caress and care - there will be a lot of tenderness, constant SMS, a hot blanket and tea on a cold evening. I want attention - coffee in bed, cafes, restaurants, movies and, of course, favorite flowers. Everything will look like in a fairy tale, but only without a happy ending.

The habit of living badly

The abuser is a manipulator, and it will wait as long as it takes until the victim is accustomed to suffering and learns to live with them. So the human psyche is arranged - it was not possible to avoid suffering, it is necessary to live further. Danger - when the day comes and the woman realizes that tears and emotions are a habitual way of life, from which she even enjoys.

How does it all begin?

One day a woman will watch the program on TV after work. He, noticing that she is watching a talk show: "Only fools can watch the lives of other people." She will be offended, he will go to bed.

With a good mood, they both go to the store in the car, and her favorite music sounds, which is suddenly interrupted by his rude remark: "All you hang your ears and are led to beautiful words. And you there too! ". Mood is spoiled, she is in hysterics.

One day she will impose makeup before going out with him, and he will make a "valuable" remark: "Why do you need to be painted, I do not understand. You become like a doll, the skin looks old. Do you want to be scary? He will be offended that he disobeyed.

A baby child takes a lot of time, and she does not have time to cook dinner for the arrival of her husband. To which he says in cold blood: "Millions of women have time to do everything and do not complain, and those who are indignant, remain single-minded and themselves are to blame for everything!".

One day she will become pregnant, because of his initiative, refusing protection. Full of joyful experiences, tells him in the hope of reciprocal enthusiasm. But he says that he does not want a child, and you need to have an abortion. To the refusal of the stunned woman, the abuser threatens with divorce, humiliation, insults, bullying and even beatings.

And with the abyuzer there is happiness

Gradually breaks self-esteem of a woman, and this behavior of a man becomes familiar, and it seems not so bad. He dilutes the hours of terror with seconds of happiness and displays of sincerity. Personal boundaries are violated, and this way of life is unnoticeable. Moments of happiness are necessary for a woman to hide and justify the behavior of the abysser in front of the environment.

To suffer or escape?

He continues to mock, she believes that if he changes his behavior, he will begin to treat her differently. Become a weak, sick, defenseless victim, do not express your opinion, so as not to anger him again. To part with an abuser, a woman also can not because of fear of consequences.

Abuser (signs):

• Gross physical treatment and verbal humiliation;
• Suggesting that it is impossible to get out of such a relationship;
• A mockery of his wife and children;
• Persuasion of women's inability to make their own decisions;
• Depreciation of the purposes of the wife, hobbies, views, beliefs, excess of his abilities;
• Pointing out physical disabilities;
• Intimidation by divorce, loss of money, parental rights;
• Constant control over the movement of his wife;
• Humiliation and insult to family, friends;
• An abuser is a person who always justifies his behavior with fatigue, nervous exhaustion, alcohol, stress, hunger;
• Coercion to sexual intercourse against the will;
• Coercion to abortion or to permanent childbirth;
• Punishment for disobedience.

Only a woman will know a man well from this side, so she will have to cope with her problems herself. After all, for the environment, this enviable husband, a caring father and just a good person. What can be done to avoid such a relationship? Run and do not look back, pay attention to all the markers at the beginning of the relationship, so as not to delay them. Treatment is possible provided that the patient really wants it. It is necessary to recognize the problem and undergo a course of therapy from a psychologist, not only to her husband, but also to her spouse.

At home, the abuser will strongly encourage the partner to be limited in communication and contacts. The less support from the outside, the more you can count on obedience. Another characteristic feature for the abusers is that they are easily insulted, and they will show their discontent sharply, by slamming doors, stomping on the floor, facial expressions, etc. They change their mood every five minutes, and it is practically impossible to keep track of these trends.

How to recognize a home abyuser?

Who is an abuser? It is believed that with an accuracy of 95%, you can recognize it if you drink it well with an alcoholic beverage. In cases where a person is drawn afterwards to feats or "itchy" hands, it is better to stay away from such suitors. If the drunk goes to bed, there is no reason to consider him a potential abuser.

Every relationship, including marriage, has its own nuances, and even if they are not quite simple, this does not mean that the man is an abuser. During a verbal conflict, a woman trembles with fear, is afraid to defend her opinion, knowing about the consequences, even if she is right, is a clear sign of Abyuz. If she clearly defends her positions, fervently argues and tries to reach the truth, this is a banal clarification of relations.