Separation from parents: how to become an independent person. Psychologist's advice

Parents occupy an important place in the formation and development of each person. While the child is small, he badly needs the care and support that surrounds him loving mom and dad. Becoming adults, we learn to make decisions on our own, take responsibility for our own destiny and for those who have raised us. With the complexities of autonomous life, a psychologist can help. Separation is separation from parents, which normally occurs after the child reaches adulthood. However, here a great role is played by the willingness to live independently, to assume responsibility. Not all young people are ready for this by the age of eighteen. In addition, much depends on the financial situation of the family, on personal opportunities.

Separation from parents is a necessary and necessary stage, which can not be avoided by any living being. Thanks to this process, the person receives a tremendous incentive to self-realization. It is noticed that the earlier a child separates from his mother and father, the more opportunities he can discover in himself.

Separation problem

Despite the fact that most young people enthusiastically rush into independent life, the process of true separation from the family is accompanied by numerous difficulties. Not all parents are ready to send to the "independent voyage" with joy. Many mothers suffer from the fact that they are trying to warn the child about a possible "danger", thereby unconsciously imposing their fears and doubts on him. A young man and a girl, reaching adulthood, ask themselves questions about how to live, what ideals to follow, where to find the only right road for oneself? It is extremely important to learn how to make decisions on your own, stop living on the direct orders of adults.

The problem of separating the grown up children is that not everyone has the opportunity to immediately acquire a separate living space. Many years they continue to live with their parents, already raising their own child.

Separation periods

The process of separation from the family in which a person has grown up is not an easy path. It will take a lot of patience, attention, and spiritual strength to reach understanding with close people. At the same time, one must learn to defend one's own individual borders. Separation stages from parents pass one after another. It is important only in these moments to show patience and tact, inadvertently not to offend dear and intimate people. What are these stages? In what way are they expressed?

1. Feeling of deep inner dissatisfaction. A young man or girl begins to feel that they are not comfortable with their parents. Relatives irritate with excessive care, moralizing and the inability to put their ideas into practice. At this stage, there are conflicts in families, the usual picture of the world is falling apart, and misunderstanding is growing. Emotional connection with parents is still very strong, because as long as the person does not have the necessary self-confidence to act according to his own inner convictions.

2. The need to live by their own rules. At this stage, there are conflicts with parents. Growing up children seems that they in every possible way restrict freedom of will and movement. Young men and girls often begin to be rude to their father and mother, to act in the opposite way.

3. Search for opportunities and prospects. This period is characterized by an exit on own ways of the decision of the important moments. Yesterday's child should answer itself to questions about how to live, how to free oneself from the pressure of others? What is significant for a young man, he finds in his close occupation, professional activity or love for a man of the opposite sex. Here there is a moment of softening the conflict, making an acute dramatic situation.

4. True separation. This stage comes after the previous one, when disturbing questions are solved between parents and children. It is important that there is no misunderstanding, otherwise it will be very difficult to restore trust. True separation occurs after an adult child feels the strength to begin to live on his own and will begin to take concrete steps.

When it becomes harder to separate

Separation from parents in adulthood is the worst thing you can imagine. Everything should happen on time. So, without separating from mom and dad in twenty years, a young man inevitably begins to suffer. He develops dependence on his parents, and it manifests itself as a non-self-dependence of thinking, a feeling of irritation when it comes to his personal boundaries. By twenty-five to thirty years, separation is difficult, conflict can not be avoided. It is true that the older a person is, the more difficult it is for him to start an independent life. The fact is that in youth everything seems simple and understandable, the person is striving for self-expression. If the state of the desired freedom is not achieved for some reason, many people stop trying to fix something.

Unilateral separation from parents occurs when one of the participants in the process is against a natural separation. Often in the emergence of such a situation, the parents themselves are to blame, limiting the will of the beloved offspring. Then the separation is difficult and painful, with tears, screams, scandals, rupture of relations.

How to become an independent person

First of all, it is necessary to clearly be aware of the problem. You can not correct the situation when there is no clear vision of how you would like to live. Finding yourself is an important and necessary stage in the formation of personality. Everyone passes it without exception. The search for the meaning of life refers to this period of discovering one's own needs and needs. Separation from parents is the dream of many young men and women. But before taking any active steps, everything should be carefully thought through.

Independence begins with the assumption of responsibility. Only when you are ready to answer for your own actions and actions, there are visible changes. A truly free person is able to recognize the opinions of others, even if it does not correlate with his own position. If you can take care of yourself without asking someone's advice, then you are really ready for an adult independent life.

Individual thinking

In adolescence, there is an active development of self-awareness. The person already has his own ideas about the surrounding phenomena and events, and a world outlook is gradually formed. It is extremely important to cultivate the habit of thinking independently, based on individual beliefs. It is difficult for a lone person to live separately, because he constantly wants to feel support from those who are around. Own thinking is formed under the influence of certain life circumstances that educate, help in a timely manner to overcome difficulties.

If you want to start living independently, look into the formation of an individual picture of the world. An adult person, as a rule, is well aware of what is important for him and what is secondary for him. Get rid of the complex of an unintelligent baby, then it will become easier to prepare for the difficulties that will have to be faced in the future.

Life goals

Separation from parents implies the existence of their own plans and a great desire to translate them into reality. You can not continue to live the ideals of your parents, relying only on their wisdom in everything. Make every effort to become a self-sufficient person, who can overcome any obstacles on his shoulder. Every adult person should have his own goals and objectives. They lead the way, help not to surrender in difficult situations, but to bring the business started to its logical conclusion. When we follow our convictions, the world seems to be rediscovered: a new understanding of the essence of things is coming. Having a specific goal before it, a person will not give up, turn back, do not force himself to doubt his own prospects. Ability to remain faithful to yourself is expensive and characterizes the emotionally grown-up personality.

Many girls do not know how to become independent, if there is no worthy companion next to life. In fact, you need to learn to rely on yourself, and not to put on, that someone will come and make you happy, thereby allowing you to feel comfortable. Self-sufficiency is an unchanging thing: once you gain control over your life, a person, as a rule, does not refuse it. If the girl seriously thought about how to become independent, she must turn to her own heart. It will not deceive.

Creation

Creation is the foundation of everything. Everyone has a creative beginning, but not everyone is consciously engaged in self-development. The best qualities of character, natural talents, talents - all this can be used to attract success. If you manage to find your niche, you will very soon feel like a self-sufficient person. What happens later? Opportunities will be opened, about the existence of which you previously did not suspect. You will have a special taste for life, things will start to improve, luck will become a constant companion. Just imagine that you will get a unique opportunity to do your favorite thing, to realize your ideas. Believe me, not everyone comes to such a generous invitation of fate. How does this relate to separation from parents?

The fact is that, having gained self-sufficiency, you will gain confidence in yourself and tomorrow. With such achievements it is much easier to decide on a bold step. In addition, you probably will have the opportunity to pay for food and accommodation. And this greatly increases self-esteem, as well as affects the material level of life. Parents will certainly be proud of the achievements of their adult child!

Moving in

When the basic quest for oneself has come to an end, the person usually starts to take decisive action. In fact, why delay such a long-awaited event? How much joy and hope it brings with it! Moving to a new place of residence becomes a logical end to the separation process. Few people know that this is not the end of the difficulties. A young person who has entered into an independent life, fundamentally changing consciousness, a way of thinking, gets the ability to look at events in a different way. From the romantic mood, the young man suddenly goes on to the prose of life: one must cook, clean up in the apartment, and solve everyday pressing problems. Separation from parents implies that the young person or girl is fully aware of what awaits them. All the difficulties are solved, and the joy of realizing one's self-sufficiency covers minor troubles.

After moving to a new place of residence, you will have additional troubles. They will be accompanied by complexities, which, of course, can not be completely avoided. At the first difficulties, you should not immediately contact your parents for help. Try to understand the problem yourself: determine its essence, reasons, possibilities for an adequate solution. Remember that there are no desperate situations .

Caring for the inner child

In each of us, despite the age, that little boy or girl continues to live, who at one time needed the patronage of a large and strong parent. Often, as adults, men and women discover an irresistible craving for comfort and security. I want someone at least for a day to take on the solution of all sorts of problems. This is a normal state, and it does not need to be embarrassed. It will be insulting if you begin to try on the image of a strong person, but in reality you will not be able to match it. The presence of a mask always prevents a person from remaining self-sufficient and open. Remain sincere both with yourself and with others around you.

To successfully cope with all the difficulties and at the same time remain an independent person, you need to learn how to take care of your inner child. This means you need to at least occasionally allow yourself to feel weak, not to drown out negative emotions. Remember that the more resistance you have, the more you have to suffer. If today you are sad for some reason, you can think a little about your actions. But avoid rigid self-criticism, it deprives the person of self-confidence and tomorrow. Caring for the inner child means that you will be very attentive to yourself. Imagine that you actually have a tiny defenseless being in your arms. Do not be afraid to give him your love, care and attention.

Consequences of incomplete separation

Sometimes it happens that the process of separation from parents does not happen until the end. The reasons for this are different: the powerful father and mother, the inability to understand each other, the initially strained relationship. It happens that an adult child, having separated from his parents, makes a serious mistake and is subsequently deeply disappointed in himself. In this case, the person feels an inner dissatisfaction, it becomes difficult for her to cope with her own emotions. Negative feelings overwhelm the uncontrollable wave and completely subordinate themselves. Is it necessary to say that a person has a taste for life, a bad mood always prevails?

The consequences of unfinished separation are very deplorable: insecurity, fear of making serious decisions. Such a person continues to live with an eye for society, fearing his own desires. He does not seek opportunities for self-realization, but runs away from them.

Thus, separation from parents is an important step in the development of the individual. It helps to manifest individuality, to establish itself in the existing perspectives. If the department is not done on time, then the person will not be able to act actively, live in harmony with his inner nature.