"I do not have a friend," or About the loneliness of a teenager

Especially acute loneliness is felt in adolescence. The maturing person begins to be more critical of himself and others, his expectations and demands are changing. And the problem: "I do not have a friend" is becoming more painful. How to help a teenager cope with a sense of loneliness? What words to find?

If your son or daughter says: "I do not have a friend," for him or her it means "I feel bad." Try to be as attentive as possible to the child during this period. Talk to him as much as possible, just do not teach, but try to understand. Be sincere, share your thoughts and experiences, memories of how you grew up, what was important to you then. Alas, much more often a teenager does not admit his problems, but prefers to wear everything in himself. But nevertheless, there are certain signals. A clever parent or teacher will notice them and try to help.

First of all, categorically avoid criticism! Remember that any comments are therefore perceived with hostility, that they hurt an already sensitive and fragile soul. A teenager has a very shaky self-esteem, he is only looking for himself and his place in this world. So if the words "I have no friend" you will react with criticism ("He is not, because you are not enough ... smart, good, handsome, kind, you try") and similar texts - be sure, contact with the child you Lose forever. Do not think that your comments will help him correct the shortcomings that he will become better. This is one of the biggest fallacies of parents. On the contrary, praise the teenager as often as possible, inspire confidence in his attractiveness and abilities. In search of approval and recognition, children increasingly go into virtual reality, in communication with those who are just as lonely and unhappy. Not receiving praise and understanding in the family and school, they begin to look for them in various companies, not always reliable and in a well-minded way.

In addition, remember and with what jealousy young creatures look at those peers who they seem more mature, successful, beautiful. For the girl, the thought "I do not have a friend" is often closely related to the example of girl friends who have boys for a long time. It is in adolescence that you want to be as good as others, to be attractive and to cause admiration. In this there is nothing shameful - this is a normal process of self-assertion and the formation of personality.

It is important for a teenager and what kind of friend a person is, whether he knows how to accept him real, not to try to change. Not finding support from their peers, they tend to communicate with the elders, with adults. This also increases the peculiar "prestige" of a teenager in their eyes and in the opinion of classmates. That is why it is extremely important to talk constantly with children on the topics of interpersonal communication. It is necessary to teach them to understand themselves, to listen to their inner voice. And to distinguish the present from the superficial. A guy friend for a girl is often not so much with whom you can share the most intimate, who you can trust, but the one with whom you want to show up at a party, who you can "boast" for classmates to envy. And this is also a normal stage of formation and development. Therefore, do not rush to reproach a teenager for not understanding people. Try to understand it and create a trusting atmosphere. This is the only way to help him survive this difficult period.