How to learn to say "no"

Man is known to be a social being. It is impossible for all societies to develop and function normally. Being in the society constantly forms all new social ties, the presence of which sometimes obliges us to make concessions, render assistance, etc. Problems arise in the event that from us begin to demand constant participation in the decision of various problems, regulation of conflicts, investment of own assets of material and emotional character. There is a category of people who can not refuse, regardless of their own employment, interest in the success of some enterprise and even the degree of closeness to the person from whom a request comes from one or another character. How to learn to say "no" if this word is hardest to pronounce?

Unfortunately, the absolute majority of people, realizing that one can demand anything from a person, and he can not refuse a request of any kind, begin to use such "spinelessness". They shift to him all their affairs, the lion's share of problems, lend money from him. This is due to the fact that humanity is always looking for itself the easiest way to develop and resolve problems. If the exit - even in the person of a particular individual - is, no one sees the sense to look for workarounds. The victim (ie, one who in this case suffers from its failure-free operation) continues to engage in socially useful work. How to learn to say "no"? Often, this requires a long work on yourself. "Trouble-free" is not able to pronounce this word in many ways because for them it is a way to feel its importance and need.

How to learn to say "no"? Failure does not make you a cold and indifferent person. Having once firmly refused to give someone who is used to counting only on your help, you will have a reason to be proud of yourself. It is important to distinguish between really meaningful events, without your involvement into which you can really fail someone, and everyday tasks that are perfectly solved by others.

Those who are seriously interested in the question of how to learn to say "no", you need to read some of the recommendations. First, it should be understood that the service alienates your own goals. Time will go on, and you will work for the benefit of others, forgetting about your dreams and aspirations. For many, this is a great incentive to learn how to distribute tasks in accordance with personal interest in their performance. Secondly, failure to deny reveals in you the presence of complexes, the fear of remaining alone, of being abandoned. True friends will never allow themselves to leave their beloved and dear to them just because he has not given up all his business to deal with strangers.

Try to do such an exercise: ask your friends for some time to contact you with insignificant requests, which will be much easier to refuse. Try also to get carried away with the fulfillment of some difficult task alone. Once you finish it, you will feel proud of yourself. Thus, your own importance in your eyes will grow. Any person who values himself highly can learn to say "no".

What if the above suggestions do not help? How to learn to say "no" if you still feel afraid to stay alone and lose friends? In that case, it makes sense to talk seriously with them. Tell us about your problem, write it down, do not keep silent about it. Let people close to you know how difficult it is for you to refuse to fulfill any, even the most small-scale task. Thanks to their help, you will certainly cope with this problem.

I must say that Catherine II, who also did not know how to say "no", found her own way to solve this problem. When she was approached, she simply poured water into her mouth, and then walked for a few minutes around the palace. The queen carefully thought over her decision, gained strength to refuse. After she spit out the water, more often than not she answered with one breath: "No!".

Take on board such advice from the queen and try.