How to build a relationship with your mother? Mother and son. Mom and an adult daughter. Psychologist's advice

The problem of relations between children and parents is always topical. Who is right, and who is to blame for this misunderstanding between adults and children, it is sometimes difficult to understand. иногда бывает решить очень сложно. And for some children, the question of how to establish a relationship with your mother can sometimes be very difficult to solve.

What can spoil relations

Most often, relations with my mother can spoil the elementary disagreements not only in views on life, but also ordinary everyday issues. Of course, there are modern moms looking at what is happening around the eyes of their children, but there are also those who have their own established patterns, and they are trying to impose them on their children. Most often this is a comparison of the rules of behavior of your child and his actions with his actions at his age. но чтобы мама при этом их непременно попыталась понять. This will inevitably lead to conflict, and since many children are very vulnerable, they may have a sharp question: how to establish relations with their mother, but that their mother must try to understand them.

The degree of mum's participation in the life of the child

No matter how much children want to be independent, any mother should still take part in the life of her child. Here it is important to determine how high the degree of this participation, namely:

• It is important to have in life common specific tasks and goals, and most importantly, in time to agree on ways to achieve them. Perhaps the solution of these issues is not immediate, you can just find time to discuss them. From the opinion of the child and the opinion of the mother, it is necessary to identify the most rational thoughts and consider them as starting points for solving the tasks set, and then at the right moment the child will not have the feeling of the opinion imposed on him.
• The child, together with his mother, must together determine certain specific norms of reciprocal behavior in disputed situations. Here you can include the question: how to dress in cold weather, if you want to look fashionable, and my mother is afraid that you will catch cold. It is better to find some kind of compromise in such a matter, so that the mother does not have to deprive the child of something. After all, this is not the most, at first glance, serious situation can lead to a quarrel.
• For some positions, determine the specific time frame, that is, a number of situations are tied to time. For example, to solve the problem, to which children can spend hours on the street. Or how long can I watch TV if I have to go to school in the morning.

Why do the relations between mother and daughter-schoolgirl deteriorate?

Let's start with the fact that daughter-schoolgirls are different. Some listen to my mother in everything, and they are quite happy with it. Others seek independence, and then in some issues there may be disagreements:

• Mother considers breakfast compulsory, and the daughter does not want to eat in the morning;
• Mom believes that the length of the dress should be decent, and girls like it more shortly;
• Mom does not like that the daughter goes to school with decorations, and the child wants to show off with his jewelry or jewelery;
• Every mother wants to be proud of the good marks of her daughter, and modern girls often treat their studies lightly, and so on.

It would seem, little things. In some families in such matters mother and daughter may well come to some common solution, but sometimes the totality of such trifles develops into conflict. Some mothers may be punished for disobedience:

• Do not let go of your girlfriends at the cinema;
• Do not allow long to sit at the computer;
• Not allow to call by mobile phone and so on.

. Here are examples of punishment that can be applied in modern life, but the restriction in communicating with peers for many schoolchildren is too much punishment, and then they try to find a way how to establish relations with their mother .

Why there is a bad relationship with the mother of an adult daughter

Sometimes, for a tense relationship with a mother, an adult daughter often has many more reasons than a daughter-schoolgirl. и какие-то сложные моменты в жизни они анализируют и решают вместе. Of course, it's very cool when the girl has a trusting relationship with her mother and some difficult moments in life they analyze and decide together. But this is only if the mother respects her adult daughter and her needs. But it also happens that on a matured daughter the mother begins to try on her life at the same age and give her advice, and for any reason:

• What girlfriends are better to choose;
• What is the best institution to do;
• What dress is better to put on a visit;
• With which guy is better to meet, and so on.

There are many examples. . In such families, the adult girl, of course, does not have a relationship with her mother . And most often this mother is very difficult to change her mind, which does not lead to the establishment of her relationship with an adult daughter. And how many we know examples, when everything goes as I would like my mother:

• She dressed the way her mother wanted;
• To work went to where my mother said;
• Is friends only with those girls with whom her mother permits.

In such a situation, if an adult girl can not defend her opinion on some issues, she can appeal to the way of life of her friends. If her mother has enough wisdom, she can do the following:

• Communicate with her daughter's friends, ask how they develop relations with their mothers;
• Talk with their peers, who have adult daughters, how they build relationships with their children.

Perhaps, having analyzed what she has heard, she will change her opinion that the mother should decide everything for her adult child, and the relationship between them will become closer and warmer. рискуют остаться надолго, а девушка может стать замкнутой и закомплексованной. But if the mother does not make the proper conclusions, then it is better for her to seek advice from a psychologist, otherwise her mother will have a bad relationship with her daughter for a long time, and the girl can become closed and unsound.

Mother and son

At mum with the son from the relation happen difficult as well as with girls. After all, since his birth, he is the most important woman for him. But due to the fact that he is a future man, the mother should try to instill in him masculine qualities. While he is small, the skills are quite simple:

• To be able to protect the girl;
• Not to offend animals;
• Help the old woman to carry the bag and others.

But as we grow older, the vectors in the education of the son must be somewhat different:

• The son must know that he himself will have to make a living;
• The son must know that he will have a family and he will be responsible for it;
• An adult son who has formed his own life must remain attentive to his mother, do not forget to visit her on ordinary days, congratulate her on holidays, invite her to visit, take an interest in her health.

If the mother chose the right direction in the upbringing of her son, she will become a happy mother, mother-in-law, and later grandmother. However, there are female egoists who, from childhood, inspire the child with the idea that she is the only woman important to him. . Of course, in this case, the son will certainly have a difficult relationship with his mother . After all, what awaits a man, over which the mother tries to maintain its influence:

• The son has never been married;
• He was married several times, but divorced, since the mother does not accept another woman in his life;
• After work runs to his mistress, and then returns to his mother.

This will make his life empty and pointless, but Mom is happy, because the son belongs only to her. Unfortunately, such cases are not uncommon. And it is a great pity that many mothers do not understand that they have spoiled the life of their son.

The son needs to be able to let go

A real loving mother should try to raise her son as a person. She should strive to ensure that she had reasons to be proud of him. And this can be achieved only if she teaches him in life some important things:

• Independence;
• The ability to solve complex life situations;
• The desire to become successful at work;
• To be a good husband and father;
• Avoid bad habits;
• Be a reliable friend.

всегда останутся близкими и любящими людьми. With such upbringing, mother and son will always remain close and loving people.

Psychologist's advice

While children are growing up, psychologists are advised to create a trusting relationship between mother and children, which will allow them gradually, as they grow up, to recognize life and adopt its rules. But when children are adults, here the advice is more difficult:

• More often call your mother on the phone, be interested in her health;
• If a quarrel occurs, the son and daughter must be aware that they are not arguing with a colleague on work that can not be relied upon, but with the mother who raised them, to which one can always come for advice;
• Children should be able to try to become a mother and understand that she too may have problems, and she in her heart too can break into someone;
• ; If mother and adult children still can not find a common language, then children should take care of how to improve their relationship with their mother ;
• Mother and grown-up children should strive to see each other in equal adult people, learn to respect each other, and this can lead to a strong friendship between native people.

Tips for friends

All children have friends who have mothers with their own ideas about life, their methods of upbringing, and there is nothing wrong with sharing their problems with friends. , и тогда возникшие у вас дома разногласия разрешатся. Perhaps you will be given the correct and timely advice how to establish relationships with your mother , and then the differences that arise at home will be resolved. Who knows, maybe someday you will help your friend with good advice.

Conclusion

Mom is very important to know that you need it the same as many years ago. Of course, if a son or daughter resolves all issues from her mother, then she will have an accumulation of offense, and sometimes she will tell you something in her heart. Just do not forget sometimes to ask her for some, even a little advice:

• How best to prepare a salad;
• Which is better to buy yarn for knitting;
• The son may well consult his mother, which is better to make a birthday gift to his wife or friend;
• Just be interested in her life.

Do not move away from your mother, stay close and dear, even from a distance, always try to warm her up with a kind word. Come to visit her, you are always there.