Psychology of men after the divorce. Psychotypes of men. What do men feel after a divorce?

About how women are going through a divorce, already written a lot. Almost every glossy magazine is ready to offer ladies a list of tips, thanks to which you can adjust your life even after the most difficult parting with your loved one. And what do we know about what men feel after the divorce? How do they cope with their problems and depression? This article is intended for a strong half of humanity and will answer the question: "Who is he - a divorced man of our time?"

Why are they divorced?

Unfortunately, in modern society, divorces happen almost every day. And very young families who have not lived in marriage even for three years are collapsing and very well established unions where the couple spent more than twenty years together. According to statistics of divorce, women are the initiators of breaks, but men do not try to stop their second half and famously put their signature on divorce documents. Why are they so easily ready to let go of their past lives and not even think about it? Psychologists say that everything is simple.

Most men believe that marriage is some kind of restrictor that prevents them from enjoying life. Scientists at the University of California conducted an amusing experiment, interviewing one hundred men who had injected the serum of truth. On the question of who and why they are envious, eighty-three participants pointed to their bachelor colleagues. It seemed to them that a free and carefree life with a lot of sexual contacts is an ideal unattainable with the presence of a wife and children.

At the reception of the psychoanalyst, many husbands admit that the family does not allow them to develop. In the view of men, freedom looks like a tempting combination of new victories and achievements. It seems that it is only necessary to get rid of family problems, how life will give a lot of opportunities that will open prospects for financial and career growth. But, despite these findings, most men do not feel the strength to break their relationship with his wife. They start romances, suffer from disgusted duties, but in 85% of cases they will never be submitted for divorce first. However, they will gladly support the wife's initiative to dissolve the marriage. It's amazing, is not it? But here is how the life of a man after a divorce will change, will be a complete surprise for him. And not always pleasant.

Psychology of men after a divorce: a model of behavior

Stereotypes about divorce have not been reviewed in our society for a long time, but recently the behavior of men who survived the loss of a family is of great interest to psychologists. It is generally believed that a woman who, without financial support and a strong male shoulder, falls into a prolonged depression and can not return to the normal rhythm of life for a long time. And what did they say about men? Of course, the fact that they receive freedom from obligations, for which you have to pay a partial loss of property and money. Otherwise, the young man or already held can live as they want and even marry a new passion, which in some cases met for years. But the truth is not so rosy.

A poll conducted by British sociologists showed that 23% of men feel devastated, and only 37% are free from worries compared to 20% and 40%, respectively, among women surveyed. So, the divorced man already after leaving the courtroom feels himself not free and happy, but depressed and confused. But why is this almost no one noticing?

The fact that the representatives of the stronger sex is not accepted to grieve over the lost love, and the word "divorce" does not cause sympathy, but congratulations from colleagues and friends. Naturally, in this situation, a strong half of humanity seeks to disguise its true emotions for promiscuous sexual relations, noisy companies and meaningless wastes. This is noticed almost all ex-wives. They say that their friend, the former husband, behaves absolutely inadequately. This can manifest itself in different ways. Some men, who lived quietly and calmly, suddenly start to drink and eat from morning till night. Careerists throw all their affairs and go on a long journey, and once serious and responsible fathers forget about their children and spend all their money on expensive entertainment.

All this is just an attempt to prove to oneself your need and relevance, because, according to the scale of emotional stress, divorce is equated with the death of a person. And you can survive this difficult period by going through all the stages of grief.

Psychologist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross: five stages of grief

The famous psychologist Ross created her own theory of grief, based on the emotions of mortally ill people. But, as it turned out, the psychology of men after the divorce is no different from the state of people who are seriously ill. In order to return to normal life, it is necessary to survive five rather difficult stages:

1. Denial

A young man can not believe that divorce is a reality. He subconsciously denies all changes and does not want to enter a new stage of life.

2. Anger

Without this stage it is difficult to return to a normal way of life and "let go" the situation. Attacks of anger come suddenly, discontent pours out on everyone around. In cases where a man after a divorce lives alone, he can simply throw away old things reminiscent of a past life.

3. Trading

This stage is the shortest and is expressed in the desire to return to the old way of life. A man can, in the time that has passed after the divorce, look at his ex-wife with completely different eyes. And, to my own surprise, to inflame her with the same feelings, even if he himself was the initiator of the rupture of relations. He feels homesickness, tries as often as possible to see the children and can even begin to persuade the former spouse to resume the marriage.

4. Depression

Unfortunately, this stage is men's sluggish and protracted. In some cases, it lasts up to five years. The California Institute recently published statistics on men's suicides after the divorce, and she simply shocked psychologists. After all, men are twice as likely to decide on suicide two or three years after the break with his wife. This period is the most dangerous - the novelty of social status is lost, and fatigue and a sense of loneliness, on the contrary, are growing.

5. Adoption

At the last stage of grief, a man subconsciously accepts a divorce as a fait accompli. Past life remains just a memory and does not cause negative emotions. After acceptance, a person freely enters a new stage in his life's path and can successfully build relationships with a suitable partner.

Prolonged waterlogged depression in men

Divorce is not only a formal break in relations. In almost all cases, this is the loss of energy support and communication, which was formed in the spouses. It is this relationship that is the basis of marriage, it is not torn after leaving the court and signing documents. Each of the spouses must adapt to the changed situation, but men cope with this much worse than women.

The psychology of men after the divorce is very interesting to the life of the former wife. This is very easy to explain: the energy link is not yet broken, and the spouse can not tune in to life outside of it. Surprisingly, even the appearance of a new boyfriend in a woman can not stop the former from visits and conversations about a past life. Often women who start relationships with recently divorced men do not notice that they are in a state of depression, and they are jealous of ex-spouses. And in reality, a man simply can not establish a life in the absence of the usual process of obtaining energy and exchanging it.

Causes of Male Depression

After a divorce, most of the stronger sex feel broken and can not cope with negative emotions. In a difficult situation, they fall into a kind of vacuum, when no one can share the current situation with them. All this takes place against the backdrop of close monitoring of the life of the former spouse, who can all develop quite successfully. As a result, there are depressive and suicidal thoughts. The most common causes of depression:

• Disappointment in freedom and new women;
• Psychophysical burnout from the endless search for a new sexual partner;
• Obvious shortcomings of a single life - lack of care, comfort and coziness;
• Feeling guilty for ruined relationships.

In some cases, divorced men have a combination of all of the above factors.

Manifestations of depression of men after a divorce

Women, left alone, try to actively spill out their emotions, which allows them to recover quickly. Men do not have the right to lose their status as a strong and confident male, so they carefully hide their grief and gradually move away from life. They lock themselves in and in many cases behave absolutely untypically. Most often, the depressive syndrome is expressed as follows:

• Absentmindedness, lack of attention and loss of ability to make decisions;
• A pernicious passion for alcohol, drugs and other ways to forget;
• Aggression and sudden attacks of anger, which can be expressed in self-discovery;
• Complete loss of interest in all areas of life;
• Chronic fatigue, frequent headaches;
• Decreased potency.

Most often, depression occurs in men a few months after the divorce. During this period, the energy that has fed off the spouses runs out, and the novelty of free life ceases to please. In addition, it is difficult for men during the depression period to see halftones, they completely lose the ability to enjoy life.

Treatment of male depression

What should a man do after a divorce, so as not to fall into a prolonged depression and quickly return to normal life? Psychologists unanimously say that you should not hide your emotions from others. A man has the right to grief, suffering and disappointment. He should not wear the mask of indifference, experiencing heartache. This behavior is a direct way to depression.

In this case, you should not hesitate, but you need to immediately consult a therapist. Modern medicine offers various ways of drug-free treatment of depressive syndrome in men, which give pretty good results in 80% of cases.

In search of the other half

A divorced man searches for a woman literally as soon as he leaves the courthouse with a stamp in his passport. And this is not a myth, but a reality that practically everyone is facing. The fact is that, being married, the representative of the strong half of mankind fantasizes about the numerous sexual partners and to non-binding connections. All these men begin to embody with great enthusiasm, but soon such a way of life is boring.

In reality, in order to lead the desired way of life, it takes a lot of effort, but the result does not always exceed expectations. Psychologists say that the spouses get excited from each other quite quickly, even without preliminary caresses, and physical discharge occurs in five to eight minutes. But with a new partner, a man is not always as good - his body does not have a setting for another woman, sexual hunting is expensive physically and emotionally. In addition, apart from the physical connection, there is nothing else between the partners, and this eventually begins to weigh on the sons of Adam.

A man is looking for a woman who could satisfy all his needs, but receives only a short-term affair. Often divorced representatives of the stronger sex is met and another type of women who just dream of marriage. These ladies are not at all familiar with the term "psychology of men." After the divorce, a rare free man will be ready to marry within three years, so conflicts arise in new pairs.

You can say that a man after a divorce falls into a kind of trap - he gets freedom, but does not feel like using it after a few disappointments.

Psychotypes of men

Considering the problem of divorce, do not forget that every man experiences family loss also based on his psychological type. This factor has a serious impact on the perception of the situation and its overcoming. Psychologists have broken psychotypes of men into four groups:

1. The Hunter

This man is always ready to achieve everything he wants. He is charming, handsome and self-confident. The hunter is not ready to concede to his partner in anything, and sees divorce as a struggle for leadership. He tries as soon as possible to find a new partner and boast of it before his ex-wife.

2. Deer

This man is very soft on character, he can not stand up for himself and has a good heart. After the divorce, the Deer man falls into depression, has a long time going through and finds it difficult to find a new partner.

3. Parent

This type of man is ready to take care of a woman and give her true love. Relationships are always built on trust and mutual understanding, so in the event of a divorce, the man-Parent is genuinely experiencing. He tries to fill the emptiness in the soul with numerous deeds, but never rushes into a new relationship with his head.

4. The child

The man of this psychotype is absolutely not adapted to life alone. He is vulnerable, often talented and kind, but he does not know how to make decisions and take care of someone. In case of divorce, he is capable of blackmail, persuasion and hysteria. Such men find it difficult to get out of depression and often attempt to commit suicide.

Conclusion

Divorce is a difficult stage in the life of any person. And do not divide the divorced people into men and women, because the pain of losing the family equally responds in both hearts. Just show her men a little differently.