Children from different marriages: what does such a difficult situation teach?

When a young couple legitimizes a relationship, both partners dream that they have a long and happy life ahead of them. Each of them thinks that they are created for each other, and this bond is strengthened even more by the child. However, fate always makes its own corrections, and what you thought was impossible five years ago now has become your reality. Nowadays, marriages break up with an enviable frequency, and many parents are forced to raise children from different relationships. You will never think of this as a problem until quarrels and scandals become part of your daily life. Let's talk about how children interact with each other from different marriages, as well as why the people around are too curious.

Your new acquaintances will be very curious

This situation may seem strange to someone, but it is really common in our society. If you moved to a new home, neighbors will definitely want to meet you. But as soon as they see three or four children, they will inquire if one of your children has one father. Sometimes these questions from strangers pose you in a dead end. You just can not understand why other people need this information and how to behave in such a situation. In fact, you are not required to give an account of your personal life to strangers, even if they are curious neighbors or a class teacher at a new school. You are not required to disclose the details of your personal life, otherwise prepare yourself for a flurry of advice and warnings for the future. People like to poke their noses into other people's business. But the basics of upbringing are better to comprehend without the help of outsiders. Learn to ignore the interrogations of obsessive acquaintances, and then you will be able to save some number of nerve cells.

A gradation can hurt painfully

No matter how many children you have, each of them was in your belly, each of them is coveted and loved. It hurts when from the lips of relatives you hear terms such as "stepbrother" or "half-sister". This state of affairs seems to the mother to be a form of injustice. Every time the elders find out the relationship with the younger ones in front of outsiders, people will be interested in being interested: "They are stepbrothers, yes?" At first such questions can irritate you greatly. But we dare to assure you that siblings come into conflict with each other no less than once. This is a normal phenomenon, in which children learn to interact with each other and negotiate.

Differences in the roots

These differences are especially relevant for those families in which several nationalities are mixed together. Children from different marriages have different ancestors, which means that at the genetic level they contain various information about cultural habits. If, after marrying again, you moved to another region, be prepared for the fact that older children will face some difficulties that will be reflected in everything: the behavior of peers, the new requirements of teachers, the culinary traditions of the region. You are on the right track, if you will strive to integrate within your family the cultural habits of both regions.

Intellectual abilities of children can vary

Genetics plays an important role in the formation of children's intellectual abilities. Your first husband could be a bookworm, obsessed with history and adventure. He could spend hours with his son and daughter, solving logic problems or playing chess. He was quiet, assiduous, often lost track of time and condemned muscular colleagues, whose conversations boiled down to the number of kilograms on the rod and protein supplements. You guess the characteristics of the first husband in children. You are proud of their achievements in studies, diligence, but are disappointed that children often get sick. They, like Papa, can not tolerate sports.

Your new partner can be a complete antipode to the former husband. He is obsessed with a healthy lifestyle, a cult of the body, and the book in his hands is, rather, an exception to the rules. It is not surprising that the intellectual abilities of younger children are far from ideal. But they participate in all school competitions and are very fond of helping you with housework.

The physical development of children will also differ

Do not be surprised if neighbors and new acquaintances so often pester you with questions. They see that your children are too different in complexion, growth, color of hair. Even the features of their faces or characteristic manners can be radically different. Do not worry that there is such a disagreement in your family. Science knows a lot of cases when one of the fraternal twins was very high and powerful, and the other - small and thin. At the same time, the features of their faces and the color of their hair were different. Despite all the external differences, your children are one big cohesive group. And this is entirely your merit!

Their fathers can have different styles of education

One of your husbands may be too soft, kind-hearted, denying any methods of punishment, and the other, on the contrary, stern and strict. One likes to bother with children for hours on end. Even now, when you do not live together, he regularly takes the kids for a weekend and devotes all his free time to them. No wonder that the children "come off" in the house of their father in full. They literally stand on their ears and do not know the word "no". It's very hard for you when the Sunday evening comes. Often you listen to the censure of the current spouse that your older children are freakish, ill-mannered and not accustomed to order. You have already experienced many family conflicts and all the time you take fire on yourself. It is very difficult to maneuver between diametrically opposite styles of education. And if you manage to do this, you can be awarded the title of "mother-heroine".

Their fathers can not stand each other

Everyone dreams of attaining personal happiness, even if the family boat was shattered. Your former partner does not condemn your desire to marry again. The new spouse is too jealous of your past. They will never become best friends and, if possible, avoid communicating with each other. However, this does not prevent you from hoping for neutrality. Of course, there are families where former partners get on well with the current ones and even go to each other as guests in pairs. However, such an idyll is more like an exception to the rule. If this is not your case, stop blindly hoping and expecting the reconciliation of the two sides. Do not harbor unjustified hopes. You and so are entrusted with a heavy mission to be a peacemaker for children. You and so on a daily basis regulate the conflicts between the kids. Why do you need another heavy burden? These two people are completely strangers to each other and are simply hostages of circumstances. Show wisdom and try to minimize the number of conflicts between fathers.

Jealousy

Be reasonable and do not let your ex-husband see children in your new home. Do not hide phone calls and do not go to the meeting on demand. However, it is possible that jealousy will work in the opposite direction. For example, according to the self-esteem of the former spouse, it can hurt to hit the fact that with a new partner during the year you had two pregnancies. After all, before you give birth to children in your first marriage, you "tried" for several years.

Communication with relatives

Again, we are confronted with the different habits of the former and current partners. If the parents of the first husband were removed from meetings with their grandchildren, now you see that everything has changed dramatically. Grandparents are frequent guests in your home, they bring gifts and pamper their grandchildren with attention. Ideally, if older children are not superfluous at this celebration of life.

Seniors can stand up for the protection of their stepfather

If the children from the first marriage on some issues will side with their stepfather, consider that you are lucky. So, you managed to rally all the members of the family, regardless of blood relationship.

In communicating with younger children you will have more experience

I always want to think that you are a good mother for older children. But the reality is that young parents have too high demands on their offspring and often make mistakes in education due to inexperience. Understanding of your destiny comes later. Also, younger children have more freedom and are under less pressure.