Why can not you forgive a man and a woman?

Practically every person adheres to certain principles during his life, which can be adjusted depending on situations. One of those can be called a specially created in the imagination label called: "What can not be forgiven."

Let's talk in this article on this topic. What is forgiveness, what can you forgive and need, and what is impossible, because the offender will strike his blow again. In addition, we discuss that one can not forgive a guy and a girl, if it's about relationships.

What is forgiveness?

Everyone who professes a religion knows that forgiving is a deed of charity and right. It is considered wrong to carry an offense in oneself, but an act of revenge is an even more incorrect act. The best thing you can do if you are offended is to forgive a person and let go of the situation, that is, stop thinking about it and play it over and over again.

Probably, each of us understands: forgiving is right and good, but it is not always possible.

Why do not we want to forgive people?

There may be several reasons for this. So, one of the most common - we like to be offended. That is, they inflicted some damage on us, infringed upon our dignity, pity us! And if there is no one to regret, I will just walk and savor my insult, like a lump of sour lemon.

The second reason lies in the impossibility of forgiveness as such. That is, we have certain principles that determine the value of our personality. For example, we say to ourselves: "I'm so beautiful, I can not raise my voice!" And then our life reduces us to a man who did not know about this truth and "encircled" us with a three-story mat. To forgive him is to transcend his own principles, and this is difficult to do.

The third reason can be in what kind of offense they have inflicted on us. What if it is incommensurable, in our terms, with nothing? It's one thing to forgive a person who hit you or humiliated you. It is possible, albeit not easy. And is it possible to forgive someone who took away the health or life of a loved one, whether involuntarily or not? Is it possible to forgive a doctor who committed a medical error or a driver who accidentally knocked down a pedestrian? Let's talk about this further and find out that you can not forgive and that you must forgive.

About self-esteem

You know yourself very well, do not you? What exactly do you like and what does not. Where you grew up, studied, worked. With whom you are friends, whom you do not love and whom you would like to meet as your second half. The set of all these sensations, memories and mental images is your "I", or ego. Imagine: you suddenly lost your memory as a result of an accident. You come to your senses, look in the mirror and see your reflection ... You see, it's you, but who are you?

Memories seem to be erased. So, take our memory from us, and we will lose ourselves? No, it is not true - we will lose our perception of ourselves, and nothing more.

Now about the principles. All your dogmas, perceptions and rules are just the same parts of the "I". You created them, carefully sculpted and carried with you, so that your self-identification was as complete as possible. After all, the more you can tell about yourself, the more complete person you are. So, you know, the question: "What can not be forgiven a man?" The only answer is: "You can forgive everything. The only problem is the desire to do it. " If you go beyond your ego for a second, you will learn: you do not have principles and rules, and you can pardon even your own executioners in your imagination.

Why we are taught a sense of dignity and pride

About what can not be forgiven, we are told by parents in the process of education. This is done with a good purpose - to save the kids from mistakes. After all, everyone should have a sense of dignity, a love of self. Mom does not want her daughter to suffer from her husband's fists in the future. The father will not wish his son to be cheated on by his wife. Therefore, since childhood, each carries in his head a Pandora's box under the name: "What can never be forgiven." Notice, the casket is closed. Parents tell us that it's impossible to forgive, but they do not disclose the cards to the end: what will happen if you still forgive the offender? ..

Therefore, every man knows that you can not forgive a woman, and every lady keeps a scheme in her head, which she will not forgive to her chosen one and so on. Most often these principles are hard as flint, and breaking them is tantamount to betraying oneself.

What can not be forgiven: "Ask" -list

Let's make a list of the most acute situations and deeds, which are very difficult or impossible to forgive:

1. An insult to human dignity or humiliation.
2. Physical violence.
3. Betrayal, treason.
4. An accident that had tragic consequences.
5. Intentional harm, which led to a tragic event.

As you can see, there is always something worse than what has already happened and that "can not be forgiven." For example, some unfortunate publicly cursed and humiliated the chief. A person swears to himself never again to talk to him and considers him the enemy number one.

But if in the evening the same poor guy finds out that his wife has also changed, the morning situation with the boss will seem not so sad. The boss can already be forgiven, but his wife becomes a persona non grata in the soul of this person. Go ahead. Agree that the same betrayal does not seem too much grief in comparison with points four or five.

This thought experiment testifies that the category "What can not be forgiven" is relative and can change in your mind. You are a full-fledged master of your principles and beliefs. Therefore, it's up to you to decide whether to forgive the abuser.

Learning to Forgive

Do not be able to forgive - it's like that to your own and so heavy life's burden throw up from time to time weighty cobblestones. Did you notice what is going on in the mind with "unpromoted", and therefore unresolved, situations? Many "pull" from the kindergarten memories of how they were offended, teased. Further in life - even more resentment. They accumulate and increase in size, at the same time generating complexes and negative expectations from others. "I've been offended so many times - it means I'm a failure. Weak person. If I were good, I would not be betrayed so many times. "

Believe (and check) what to forgive is the simplest and most natural thing that can be done in response to insult. So the Bible and the Church teach us. What can not be forgiven? From the point of view of Christianity, there are no such deeds. You can forgive everything!

Accept the imperfection of the offender. Understand that he is only a man. He has his own fears, views on life, complexes. Perhaps, hurting you, he just wants to get out of his quagmire, to become higher, albeit dishonestly, at your expense. Forgive him. Wish him happiness, because a person who is satisfied and happy will not cause and will not wish the other anything bad. And you will see that the situation will be resolved, that with you as if the cargo will fall down, it will become easy for you! And the offender will leave your life or apologize if this is your close friend.

"Forgiving is my favorite rake"

You have not heard from women who are regularly beaten by husbands, that they understand why this is so? Like, my mother told them a long time ago that you can not forgive a man for violence, but they, such-and-so, forgive, and therefore suffer. How does this fit in with the theory of what to forgive?

Everything is very simple! Forgiving is necessary, and even necessary. But the act of forgiveness, alas, does not make the offender holy. If you forgive wrong betrayal or aggressive - beating, you do not protect yourself from the arbitrariness of this person in the future. What to do? Weigh soberly, what kind of person, and - most importantly - what place he takes in your life. Perhaps it will be better to forgive him and ... forget, let him go on all four sides.

What you can not forgive in a relationship

For example, you learned that your beloved girlfriend has changed you. You are hurt, but you love her very much and therefore forgive, decide to be with her further. A year passes and you learn about infidelity again. Well, did you forgive her for nothing?

Let's clarify something. To forgive is not to allow a person to commit a deceit in relation to you again. Forgiveness means accepting a situation: "You're wrong, but I forgive you. You are only a person, and therefore you have the right to make a mistake. " So you have to think if you were hurt. And to continue to live with the one who beats you, calls or changes - this is another matter. Most likely, a person refers to life and to you personally not at all the way you think is right. If you were betrayed once, there is a high probability that this will happen again. However, it is quite possible that this will not happen again. In general, what to do next - you decide, but you must forgive!

A little more about the relationship

Do not ask more questions like: "What can not be forgiven a man?", As if the representative of a strong half of humanity - some kind of a separate subspecies. Each man is unique, the mistakes of each are unique. The fact that you did not come across very good "cavaliers", simply says that you are progressing in development and refuse to be satisfied with the small.

No less absurd sound questions like: "What can not forgive a girl?" Remember that you need to forgive a person in any case, regardless of sex and age, and it's important not only for him, but for you. But whether to build a relationship with the offender further or to disperse is already your conscious choice. In itself, forgiveness does not oblige anyone to anything.

What if a person can not be forgiven?

There are things for which it is not possible to forgive a person. It is very easy to talk about how to let go of a traitor or foul language, but there are misdemeanors, which are very difficult to forget. We are talking about accidents, accidents, negligence, not to mention even more evil - conscious crimes. How can you forgive the guilty person, if the appearance of hell is hidden behind the guise of a man ?

Let's be frank: this is a complex topic. Perhaps you are not ready to read what we will say next, and yet it is so. Hatred of someone eats away your soul. If you are in great pain, you have only two choices: to dig in this trouble, experiencing it again and again, or to allow yourself to live on, letting go of the situation. What to choose is up to you, since you are the master of your life.

How to forgive a crime and a criminal?

The word "criminal" comes from the word "step over," that is, that person who transcends human norms, forgetting about the value of life and health. Such people exist and, most likely, will always exist. We can not look at them in the head, read their thoughts, but if it could be done, then, according to the psychologists, they would see a child there who was once severely offended, but he could not forgive. Now, maybe it's your turn to make a conclusion. But remember that forgiveness is not necessary to someone else, but only to you.

Summarizing

We can think that it is impossible to forget some things and resentments, but with the same success we can simply take "off" the offender. Remember that forgiving does not mean letting him continue to mock you. Try to simply accept its imperfection, to recognize that it is simply a person who has the right to make a mistake. However, do not confuse forgiveness with permissiveness. If the one who hurts you is such by nature - just leave it and go further on your way.

And one more thing, which should not be forgotten. The longer you bear the burden of offense, and the heavier it is, the worse for you. You lose joy for life, your self-esteem falls. Forgive all those who have ever hurt you, release these people in your mind, and you will immediately receive relief.