Humorous monologues for women - ready-made texts

More often, from comic scenes and TV screens humorous monologues for women sound today. A real breakthrough in this direction was made by the transfer of the Comedy Woomen. Yes, and the women's teams of KVN brought out many humorous monologues for women in the world.

Lady's irony: with her sword and by her ... neighbors!

Humorous monologues for women are often directed against the disadvantages of the fair sex. That is, the ladies seem to laugh at themselves. And this is the highlight, which is so attractive to itself humorous monologues for women. The liberated, not embarrassed to appear ridiculous and ridiculous actresses allow to see from the side the lacks.

Here is the classic version: the offended husband shares his sore with his girlfriend on the phone.

- And guess, he says to me: "You do not have a hobby at all!" It's for me - and no! Yes, I can open my doors with my hobbies without the help of hands! And if I want to, I can easily carry a bottle of shampusik and a couple of pieces of pimples from the wedding. Well, the citrus with them - let "pomelo" be ... You, Anck, Th you carp at me? I do not understand ... Are you for him or for me?

Fight, seek, find, do not let go!

A whole layer of ironic works is devoted to the problem of finding the second half. About how creative some people are trying to solve the problem, humorous monologues about women, which necessarily make the listeners smile.

Mostly in miniatures, the trait of most people is traced: they represent themselves quite differently from what others see them.

The second "chip" is a reflection on the representatives of the strong half, which fit organically into the humorous monologue of the woman. About men, ladies can talk endlessly! They just love to remember their past ties, share experiences, how to "tame" their husbands, educate them. The search for the second half is devoted to humorous monologues for women, the texts of which are presented below.

Announcement in the newspaper about the acquaintance "Cat in socks"

Somehow the grandmother came to us alone. Well, God's dandelion is one word. She pulled out a blank form of a free advertisement from somewhere in the bowels of her skirts and put it on the table.

I took a piece of paper in my hands, I read. And just wonder! Fantasy from a granny, it should be noted, yet what ... inexhaustible! The first phrase brought me to rapture. Listen to this: "My cat! Affectionate and caring kitty is waiting for you in her cozy apartment, on a soft bed ... Hurry, otherwise your place will be taken by another! "

And although we have orders not to go over to clients with their ideas and tips, I could not help asking: "Babulechka, why do you need this" cat "? You live quietly in your cozy apartment - and all right. And then there will be some kind of snitch, smoke, socks around to throw ... "A babulechka to me in response:" Daughter, where did you see the cats in their socks, eh? "

Granny was really looking for a cat for her cat, and I really did not know what.

A humorous monologue of a woman about men "Fatal sexy looks for a half"

This text can be a continuation of the first miniature, because the action is all in the same edition where the ads are accepted. But this time the lady of very magnificent forms has come in a lilac short coat, a green hat and an orange scarf. In the announcement it was said that fatal sexy looking for his soul mate. Okay, I clenched my teeth and keep quiet: sexy so sexy, everyone has their own understanding of this word.

A monologue about the first wife and about cabbage jam

And the lady sat down in a chair and decided to share with us her memories of her past husbands.

- My first husband was, in principle, a good person. I was just very hung up on food. Whatever I have prepared - he necessarily compares with my mother's concoction. "Cucumbers do not fry!" And why? This is the same zucchini, only unripe. Why not fry them? "From the cabbage jam is not cooked!" Strange ... From a tomato cook, from a pumpkin cook, and from cabbage - no?

I'm a man by nature with a fantasy. And I do not like walking beaten paths. In general, we did not agree with my first characters.

The story of the second husband and a suit from under the bed

Lady - fatal sexy - continues his humorous monologue. Men and women changed places as if in her story. This adds to the irony in the speech: they are still accustomed to the fact that it is the strong sex that sometimes allows oneself to come home in the morning "under the driver," and the adorable spouse shames him in the morning for his unworthy behavior. The stereotype is broken. Here, the couple confused the roles.

- My second husband was a German. He just pissed me off with his punctuality! "Drunk home at night do not come again!". Well, what kind of statement is this? And where else should I go at night? At work - early, and to friends - it's too late ... And as soon as I wake up, brainwave starts on the second circle: do not shake the ashes in the sugar bowl, do not look for a suit under the bed. And where else should I look for it, if I put it there and hang it ... That is, I put it. Well, in short, he himself fell into it! A bore, in short, in a word. And with this we did not get along with the characters.

A monologue about the third wife and lost socks

My third husband was an Estonian. With him we have a stumbling block of socks. Yes, yes, simple things like ordinary socks can cause a divorce! "I warm-up at-tal pric Kal-li-stvo us-scoff, every couple rolled up in a little trunk with a pipe. Pa-achimu ani have a lose-lose in heat? "And how do I know why these socks are constantly lost? I already became them just like that, a bundle folded, into the washing machine to shove. Again, not pleased! I still did not like my beloved, that the sweater changed its color. There was a grayish, unattractive such. And he became an amazing color! Actually, it turned out a whole combination, it is possible to say, an iridescent coloring. Designer find, by the way ... But - my husband did not appreciate my flight of my imagination. They did not agree with the characters. Now, now the last hope for you.

And the "fatal sexy" corrected her orange scarf, throwing it casually on the shoulder of a lilac coat.