How to get on with my mother-in-law: simple rules

How to get along with the mother in law? The jokes devoted to the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law would not have enjoyed such popularity among the people if two women could easily establish relations. The situation is complicated in the case when the newlyweds are forced to live with their parents after the wedding, without having the means to purchase or rent their own dwellings. So, how to avoid conflicts with her husband's mother?

How to get along with the mother in law?

When marrying a beloved and loving man, you should not expect that his parents will immediately infuse you with tender feelings. First of all, this applies to the mother of the spouse, who can not but feel jealous of the "invader", even if she is an intelligent and self-sufficient woman. Trying to get along with the mother-in-law, you should not expect love from her. People who suddenly become relatives in the eyes of the law are not at all obligated to treat each other warmly.

Erroneous are not only those who immediately count on love, but also those who are actively trying to earn it. Nastochaya demonstration of their own talents and virtues will not help achieve the goal. The respectful attitude of the daughter-in-law will be appreciated by the mother-in-law more than, for example, the ability to prepare well.

Rules of a new family

How to get on with your mother-in-law in one apartment? The daughter-in-law must understand that she is actually invading a foreign house in which there are long-established traditions. Some of them may seem strange and superfluous, but this will have to be reconciled in order to avoid conflicts. If a family takes, say, a joint meal, do not defiantly ignore them, have dinner in your room.

This does not mean that the newlywed must completely abandon their own habits, views on the joint existence of family members. The main thing is to implement "reforms" gradually, refraining from drastic changes. In this case, chances are great that the husband's mother will agree to meet halfway. Otherwise, you can limit the innovation in the territory of a private room, and mothers in law provide all the remaining space.

Acceptable boundaries

How to get on with your mother-in-law in one apartment so that there will be no conflicts? Respecting the desires of the husband's husband, you should not forget about your own needs. A woman who constantly sacrifices her own interests will feel unhappy, which will negatively affect her relationship with her husband. For example, being a convinced vegetarian, it is not necessary to eat cutlets, even if it is a specialty of the mother-in-law.

Talk about personal space should not be postponed "for later". The daughter-in-law has every right not to want her to enter her room without knocking, taking without her demand the things she owned and so on. Of course, it is necessary to report this in the most correct form, to try to ensure that the list of "requirements" is not too long.

So, how to get on with your mother-in-law? Of course, the daughter-in-law should not only insist on keeping the distance, but she should not forget about it herself. It is likely that in the house there are things that can not be touched, and the mother-in-law does not report this to the son's wife simply out of politeness. A frank conversation solves many problems.

Independence

How to get on with my mother in law, so that everyone would be happy? Often people marry before they gain full financial independence. However, it is naive to constantly resort to the help of her husband's mother and at the same time to count on her respect. If the young family is fully supported by their parents, they feel entitled to actively intervene in the life of their spouses, comment on their behavior and actions, and give advice. This can not but affect the relationship negatively.

Nowadays, even full-time students can easily find a part-time job. This is beneficial not only in terms of financial independence. Having got a job, the daughter-in-law will see her mother-in-law much less often, which will have a positive effect on their relationship. If there is an acute need for money, it is more expedient to ask the required amount in debt, and not gratuitously.

Compliance with subordination

We study further the question of how to get along with my mother-in-law. In our days, the tradition to call mother-in-law is gradually disappearing. At least in the first months of cohabitation it is preferable to use the name and patronymic, to apply to "you". Of course, if the mother-in-law herself insists on the "mom" option, do not actively resist. Even if in the beginning it sounds somewhat false, you can gradually get used to it.

Household

Many are interested in how to get along with the mother-in-law under one roof. Studies show that homemade work is an inexhaustible cause for conflicts. Every woman, no matter how old she is, has her own views on housekeeping, which she considers to be truly correct.

While the daughter-in-law lives on the mother-in-law's territory, she has to give up mostly to her. This does not mean that it is obligatory to perform many unaccustomed actions, for example, to agree to participate in daily wet cleaning, if you are used to washing the floors twice a week. It is better to express admiration for the culinary talents of her husband's mother and ask her for recipes for her specialties.

Some part of household duties should definitely be taken, even if the mother-in-law tries to continue doing everything on her own, otherwise in the near future this will become a reason for reproaches.

Common interests

Considering the question of how to get along with the mother-in-law, it is worth saying that people who have common themes for conversation are much easier to get along with each other. Do not wait for the fact that her husband's mother will take the first step, since this can never happen. Find out the hobby of a new relative is quite simple. Of course, interest in her hobbies should be sincere. One should not, say, talk about his love for four-legged friends, suffering from allergies. Sooner or later, the truth will come to light, as a result of which relations will deteriorate, and not get better.

Joint pastime is the shortest way to friendship. It is possible that both women like to go to the theater or indulge in shopping. Why not do it from time to time - at least once a month? It is also possible to offer mother's husband a joint visit to the pool or gym, if she expresses a desire to go in for sports. In the end, there are banal walks in the park, useful not only for relationships, but also for health.

Attention

How to make cohabitation with my mother-in-law peaceful, avoid conflicts? Everyone likes it when they pay attention to it. This does not mean that you need to stuff yourself into a girlfriend. It's enough just to show interest to her life from time to time, ask about success at work, congratulate with important dates.

It is also worthwhile to learn to listen to the advice of mother-in-law, even if it gives them all the time, without waiting for a proper request. It is not necessary to follow the recommendations of your husband's mother, but do not ignore her words. After all, from a woman who is much older and more experienced, you can always hear something really useful.

In addition, do not forget about compliments, we must focus on those qualities that the mother-in-law loves most in themselves. It is difficult to find a person who does not have any merit, the main thing is the ability to detect them. There is a high probability that the mother-in-law as a result will learn to notice the positive aspects of the daughter-in-law. It is not easy to treat a person who sincerely praises you.

Talk about your son

How to get along with the mother-in-law in one house peacefully? Of course, married life is difficult to imagine without conflict. In spouses, even if they strongly love each other, from time to time there are some claims to the second half. She is strictly forbidden to discuss her husband's shortcomings with his mother. We must not forget that every woman sincerely believes her own child is the best. Complaints of the daughter-in-law on the son are unlikely to meet sympathy, rather it will hopelessly spoil relations with the mother-in-law.

Talk about the husband with his mother should be conducted only in a positive way. She will be pleased to hear the praise of her child. It is worth remembering that she was engaged in his upbringing. Why not show appreciation?

Make a list

How to get along with the mother in law? The advice of a psychologist, unfortunately, does not always help. What should I do if my spouse's mother refuses to make contact, continues to provoke conflicts? Constantly hearing reproaches from the mother-in-law, you must make a list of her claims and analyze it. It is not ruled out that there will be justifiable reproaches in the list. Say, a husband's mother does not like the fact that she is forced to take on the lion's share of housework.

By noting separately the fair claims, you can think over and write down the answers to unfair reproaches. This is necessary in order to calmly and reasonably discuss the current situation with the mother-in-law, not yielding to the power of emotions and not being guided by provocation.

Do not fan conflicts

Can I get along with my mother-in-law if she likes to find out relations in high-pitched tones? Unfortunately, there is also such. In this case, it is worth to act as diplomats act. Do not try to shout over your opponent, you just have to agree with him in everything. The voice must remain calm and calm. Any disputant will be confused when he heard that he is absolutely right. In the end, you can wean your mother-in-law from scandals, constantly agreeing with her and not succumbing to provocations.

Of course, above we are talking about a conflict in which only one party is guilty. If the quarrel is due to the daughter-in-law's fault, do not start a "cold war" with her husband's mother, refuse to communicate, and so on. Ability to admit their wrongness is a quality that was valued at all times.

Participation of the husband

Do not say the second half of the unpleasant things about your mother-in-law, no matter how great the temptation. Very rarely there are people who are negative about their own mothers. Connect her husband to the conflict can only be in extreme cases, if the situation is completely out of control. It is also not recommended to tune it against the mother, such actions will only spoil the relationship between the spouses.

By the way, psychologists do not recommend discussing their mother-in-law in a negative manner, not only with her relatives. Even your own friends or mother should not be dedicated to the details of the conflict.

Children

How to get along with the mother-in-law, if she actively interferes in the issues of raising children, being guided at the same time only by her own views? Many women, seeing in the "second mother" of the enemy, try to limit her communication with the child. The main victim in this situation is the baby, as adults unconsciously draw him into their conflict.

It is much better to spend time trying to calmly explain to my husband's mother what exactly she is doing wrong in what is connected with the upbringing of children, caring for them. In order to meet the expectations of the conversation, it is necessary to back up your words with well thought-out arguments, to refer to the opinions of specialists.

Useful literature

"How to get on with my mother-in-law? 63 simple rules "- a wonderful book, authored by Irina Korchagina. This manual is aimed at women who recently married and have not yet mastered the art of communicating with relatives of the second half. The book contains simple recommendations. Using them, you can easily put an end to the "battles" with the mother of her husband. Useful information will be able to draw for themselves and the fair sex, who have been married for a long time, but have not yet learned to get on with her mother-in-law.

This work is useful not only to daughters-in-law, but also to women whose son is going to marry or is already married. The author does not stand on any side, sincerely rooting for all the participants in the conflict.