How to choose a husband: advice of a psychologist. Ideal husband. Young husband. What should the husband be like?

Several centuries ago the choice of the future spouse was the prerogative of the girl's parents. It would seem that now you can breathe peacefully and follow the call of the heart, but even here it's not so simple. Representatives of the fair sex puzzle over how to choose a husband. Of course, in the first place should be love. But there are a number of important points that can not be neglected.

A family

Perhaps, it is high time to introduce the special subject for girls "How to choose a husband" in the educational program. Psychologists advise, in the first place, pay attention to the family of their potential elect. Try to learn more about the foundations of his home. Most likely after marriage, a man will try to transfer them to your family, because that's how he used to live from childhood.

Pay attention to how the members of the family communicate with each other, what is the attitude towards the woman. It is not excluded that the future husband will behave with you the way his father behaves with his mother. You should be wary of any manifestation of rudeness, neglect and violence.

But it is also worth following the man's reaction to family traditions. Is he opposed to them or is he willing to support? Carefully analyzing the information received, you can get an approximate idea of what your family life will be like.

Social status and age

If guided by the themes of novels and soap operas, we can conclude that the dream of any girl is a husband older and richer than her. If your chosen one is like that, do not rush to rejoice and relax. If you do not belong to a rich intellectual circle, you will have to work hard on yourself to match your lover. Held men love interesting and active women. With others, they are simply bored.

A promising young husband is also a good party. The advantage of such an alliance is that you can, so to speak, "tailor" it to yourselves. You can direct it in a career (if, of course, you have the capacity for entrepreneurship). Nevertheless, you should clearly realize that the young husband is, first of all, the child you need to take care of. In addition, he still does not care for those family values that are so important for women (hearth, traditions, children, etc.).

In this regard, many psychologists recommend seeking a husband in their social circle. He should be 3 years older than you (about as many women are ahead of the strong sex in development). Nevertheless, all these recommendations are quite arbitrary, because in the first place should be exactly the feelings.

How does he treat children?

The main goal of creating a family is the birth and upbringing of children. This should push you to how to choose a husband. Psychology of women is such that they give preference to those representatives of the stronger sex who are more responsible and caring about children. It's easy to learn.

Surely, you have some friends or relatives who already have small children. Invite them to visit and see how your chosen one will behave with the baby. Will he play with him? Will he be able to feed him or change a diaper? Or will the entire responsibility be shifted to you?

If you do not have the opportunity to conduct a practical test, call your chosen one to a frank conversation. You must be extremely honest with each other before marriage. Perhaps your views on the continuation of the family are absolutely the same. If he is categorically against the birth of children in the foreseeable future, you should seriously think about the advisability of such an alliance. As a result, the maternal instinct will prevail even over the strongest feeling.

Genetics

Proceeding from the goal of procreation, the next point arises in the question of how to choose a husband. In many Western countries, it is normal practice to go through a medical examination and study the genealogical tree to exclude the likelihood of any genetic disease in future children.

In our latitudes this is not accepted. Moreover, asking such delicate questions is a bad form, and therefore it is necessary to extract information carefully. In any case, if your chosen one leads a healthy lifestyle and keeps track of your well-being, this is already a positive signal.

Life and common interests

It is believed that opposites attract. But this statement is valid only for physical experiments. Speaking of a man and a woman, it is worth remembering that they should have as many points of contact as possible.

How to choose the perfect husband? As much as possible discuss the question of hobbies and life goals with applicants for this status. What kind of music does he listen to? What films are watching? How does he prefer to spend his free time? Where does he prefer to rest? What are his life goals?

These items should not be identical for potential spouses. But there must be something in common, otherwise you will spend time together only in the bedroom and in the kitchen.

From common interests and hobbies, you need to move smoothly to views on everyday life. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of men with "house-building" views on family life. Agree, no one wants to be a slave in their own house, while the husband is lying on the couch and watching TV.

To understand how much he is independent or helpless in everyday life, you can, unexpectedly coming to visit. But if you make unsatisfactory conclusions on the basis of your "investigation", do not give up your feelings. In the end, household issues can be resolved on a contractual basis.

Intimate component

For many women, the ideal husband is associated with a passionate lover. In our time there is no ban on premarital sexual relations, and therefore sexual compatibility in most cases is tested experimentally.

Nevertheless, some young couples prefer to adhere to old traditions, postponing sex before marriage. To open the veil of secrecy, use some tricks from psychologists. There are a lot of theories that link the sexual temperament with the features of the person's appearance and behavior.

Attitude towards money

Fantasizing on the topic of what should be an ideal husband, many women imagine a wealthy and generous man who not only provides a family, but also satisfies all women's whims. But in practice, everything is a little different.

The family budget is always limited, and therefore it is important to be able to spend it rationally. Ideally, a man should be in the habit of planning spending ahead of time, and also to save a certain amount as a "safety cushion."

But pathological thrift is abnormal. If your fiancé collects checks from all purchases (even minor ones), does not give a tip in the restaurant or is ready to go through the city to buy some goods a little cheaper, this is a bad signal. In the end, he will start saving on you, and then on your children.

Life position

What should be the husband? This topic can be discussed for a very long time, but all this does not make sense, if your elect has not yet decided what he wants from life. Pay attention to the western countries. There the person lives under the script "study, career, family". By marriage, people who have built a firm foundation are basically combined. Thus, they come to a marriage consciously.

In our country impulsive marriages are often concluded, the basis of which is only the sensory component. However, people can absolutely not understand how and what they will live on.

Given that the role of the head of the family still assigned to a man, you must unravel his life position. How is he going to build his future career? Why does he want to start a family? And does he want it at all? Answering these questions, you will determine the expediency of further relations.

Friends

What should be the husband? Most women want the elected only to belong to them. Nevertheless, no one canceled the fact that the man has friends. You certainly need to get to know them, in order to learn more about your lover, because with them he will spend a considerable part of the time. Yes, and you sometimes have to attend such a sit-round.

It is believed that friends are somewhat similar to each other. If your elect communicates with successful and hardworking people who have already had a family (or are going to do it), there is nothing to worry about. Such a company will be useful to him and interesting for you.

If your lover is friends with hardened bachelors, who also abuse alcohol, you need to urgently save him from them. First, for his own good, and secondly, for the sake of family happiness, because "friends" will certainly set the husband against you.

How does it affect you?

If you are puzzling over how to choose a husband, a test of your own feelings will help you decide. Start a separate notebook, in which you will record your feelings after each meeting with your chosen one.

Ideally, the meetings should bring you joy, satisfaction, inspiration and spiritual uplift. Being next to your lover, you must develop and constantly get better. If your diary reflects only negative emotions, think carefully about whether you should link your life with this person. If next to it you degrade, it's not your way.

So, what should be the husband?

Based on the experience of many generations, it is possible to draw definite conclusions about what qualities of the husband make him ideal. Women consider such characteristics to be key:

• Appearance. Whatever one may say, this factor is important. You will have to see him daily, and therefore he should be attractive. It's not about the ideals of male beauty. It's about your personal preferences.
• Kindness. Brutal and brutal hooligans attract only very young girls. In family life, it is important for a person to be understanding and gentle (but not weak-willed).
• Weasel. Particular attention should be paid to the way a man behaves in bed. His actions should be aimed not only at satisfying his own sexual instinct, but also in order to please the other half.
• Physical form. A man simply has to watch his weight and muscle tone. And it's not even about looking like Apollo. A man at any time should be ready for physical exertion (move the sofa, pick up a heavy suitcase or even wear a wife in his arms). In addition, a good physical form is a guarantee of good health.
• Consistency and generosity. A woman is looking for such a companion, who will be able to provide not only her, but also future children. Even if the wife herself earns money, the main burden of responsibility is still on the man. To the best of his financial ability, he must pamper the lady of his heart with pleasant surprises.
• Devotion. Family should be for the man in the first place. Work, friends, hobbies - all this again. Between hiking with friends for fishing and family rest in the country, he must choose the second. Although, so that a man does not feel himself a prisoner, one should not completely deprive him of the right to spend time separately from the family.
• Purposefulness. A man should have far-reaching plans that will lead to an increase in the well-being of his family.
• Reliability. Next to your man you should feel calm and confident in the future.

How to choose a husband from two candidates?

If you have a lot of fans, you're in luck. You just need to find out how to choose a good husband among them. It is not difficult to do this. Draw a sheet of paper into four columns. In the first two, write down the merits of the candidates, and in the third and fourth - a comparison of their shortcomings.

Who will have more positive and less negative features, he won. But do not forget about feelings. It is possible that the heart will show you the right choice without any lists.