Divorce is what? The causes, reasons and consequences of divorces

Divorce is the tragedy of family life, the breaking of the bonds of marriage. Because of what it happens? Can it be avoided? How, and most importantly, is it necessary? How to survive the divorce?

The reasons, motives, forms, stereotypes and consequences of it will be considered in this article.

Value

Divorce is the dissolution of the marriage relationship. And, however sorry it is to admit, in modern times this phenomenon is not uncommon. Because of this, adherents of the conservative approach to life argue that the institution of the family loses its value. But is it necessary to stay officially together when there is no spiritual connection? Divorce is always more complex and multifaceted than the usual separation, because the spouses are connected by common lived life, marriage registration, sometimes - money, housing, children.

The only way out

It happens that, quarreling, the couple begins to think about divorce. It seems to them that this is the only way out, while this is a completely wrong conclusion. In addition, not the solution of the problem. If the divorce of the reason is different from the inability to build relationships, then for each of them the situation will be repeated with the next partner, afterwards, and so on ad infinitum. Of course, everyone would like to be accepted as he is, cherished and cherished, appreciated and understood. But relationships are always a search for compromise and common solutions. In marriage, this is more apparent.

The attitude of society

In the Soviet Union, the institution of marriage and family had value. The slogan "cells of society" clearly represented public opinion about the divorce. They were not just not encouraged, but categorically condemned by the society. For several decades, the situation has radically changed - even the divorce process due to the increase in cases of divergence of spouses has become simpler. Previously, an obligatory condition for the consent of both parties is now not so important, enough initiative at least one.

Before the wedding, everything was different

Newlyweds are often disappointed with the realities of life. After the wedding, it suddenly turns out that in dreams everything was different and the expectations are entirely unjustified. That's why many couples get divorced after five, three, or even one year of marriage, unable to wait until they "tie" to each other. Characters in everyday life are more severe and sharper, shortcomings are seen more clearly. The solution seems to be a divorce. The reasons and consequences for such couples are always the same: they hurried, and afterwards it was necessary to take off the rose-colored glasses, and next time to be more circumspect.

The aggravation of contradictions

And it happens the other way round. Together they have lived together for many years, together they have acquired a lot of things, the children have grown up and started to build their lives, and the spouses, looking at each other, do not feel the former warmth and love. Feelings that were once, disappeared without a trace. The contradictions between the married couple are exacerbated, and the question arises: do you want to save the little that is left, or file for divorce? Causes, categories, consequences do not interest them, they are simply tired of each other. And break on each other. A family? On the fingers there are rings, but there is no family for a long time.

Extreme measure

Divorce is the end of everything. Therefore, it is called an extreme measure, when it is no longer possible to save a marriage. That's why getting divorced from the heat without discussing it and thinking it over is not the best option. But it often happens just like that: a couple stops all relationships, officially declaring that they are each other - no one, but the reasons for this do not know themselves.

Reason for divorce

It is very important to understand why the final decision was a divorce. The causes of divorce and the conditions for the stability of marriage are interrelated things. They represent the base. Once, each partner in a married couple was chosen their own "half." There were reasons for this. Hence, they must be and in order to push it away from itself forever.

Not the right person

It is a mistake to assume that one day the "wrong person" was chosen and now one needs to correct the perfect by divorcing him. After all, the choice was made for a reason. Strong feelings or pragmatic calculation - options are even more than two, but if a divorce is an attempt to escape responsibility for your decision, it will not bring the expected result.

The material side of the question

Behind the formal phrase about "insurmountable differences" as the reason for the divorce, there is usually something even more significant, because of what these disagreements generally appeared and why they began to develop. According to statistical data, twenty percent of divorce cases occur on the basis of poverty. The tension due to the inability of both spouses to get out of debt is increasing, and for the manifestation of any feelings other than aggression there is no place. If the family has children, everything is only aggravated.

Joint living space

When a couple does not have a separate home and she is forced to settle under the roof of her parents, this can also cause an early divorce. The reasons, motives, stages and consequences of this situation are different. To develop a conflict with older relatives, in fact, another family with their established rules, which the daughter-in-law or the son-in-law does not want to tolerate, it takes no more than two years. And if the newlyweds do not have their own housing, the small cell of society will soon fall apart without marking its fifth anniversary.

This is because the older generation seeks to control the life of the younger, while the young try to build it themselves. One of the partners is torn between who should be on whose side: parents or wife (husband).

Alarming signs

The psychological causes of divorce are symptoms under the common name "feelings have changed." Habits, previously tender, begin to irritate, and each of the shortcomings suggests that the couple - not a pair, but a solid fiction. It can be loss of love feelings, jealousy and impatience, sexual incompatibility or different views on life, which do not allow further joint plans. It should be understood that marriage is the fusion of two persons who should harmoniously and self-develop, and progress together.

Sociological point of view

Divorce, causes and consequences sociology examines from the point of view of the public, without going into personal relationships, which are purely individual. Its task is to reveal the meaning of divorce for the society.

Divorce as a social phenomenon has a double meaning. On the one hand, it is difficult to argue that divorce is a negative phenomenon. After all, it represents the destruction of the institution of the family. On the other hand, society is interested in ensuring that the "cells" of the society are healthy and prosperous, that they ensure the spiritual development of all members of the family, and this directly relates to the upbringing of children-the future generation. From which it can be concluded that divorce, being a compromise solution of two spouses who are no longer able to marry one another, has positive features for society and to some extent for themselves.

Social roles in the quality of the factor that influences divorce

The causes and consequences of a divorce can be purely individual. But among them there is a category called behavioral causes. They include unacceptable qualities of one of the spouses. From a sociological point of view, this is an inability to try on the role of a wife or husband.

When a person marries, he must be psychologically ready for this. In sociology there is such a concept - "social role": it means the expected behavior of a person, corresponding to its status. After the wedding, the girl gets the role of the wife, and the guy - the husband, and that means if one of them is not able to cope with its task, marriage collapses.

Examples of such reasons:

• Solving problems scandals, rather than constructive dialogue;
• Inability to distribute the family budget;
• Separate living, which has no basis under itself;
• Treason;
• Alcohol or drug addiction of one of the spouses;
• Illegal actions.

How to survive the divorce?

Sometimes without a divorce in any way. And the question is whether this is the only way out, the answer is only affirmative. But even if the divorce was a mutual decision and the couple managed without quarrels, scandals and beating cymbals, parting with a former partner, parting with a part of themselves, their world, the past way of life - it's hard. Divorce (causes, categories, consequences) - is it so important when it has already happened? But they say true: warned - so armed. The consequences of divorce have their own stages.

The phases of the experience of divorce

Psychologists distinguish four phases of the experience of divorce. The time frame for them is very conditional, for someone one phase can be delayed, mixed with another and so on. But depending on what kind of person the stage, the tips may be somewhat different.

The shock phase

"This is hard to believe" is the expression that describes this phase. As always happens after major changes, a person can not immediately get used to what happened. Waking up in the morning, you have to remind yourself what happened, how to deal with it somehow. The shock can last as a few minutes, and it can take up to a couple of months. But the usual time frame is ten to twelve days. Psychologists advise not to shut yourself up, not to hide feelings, talk with family and friends, do not give up their support.

Depressive phase

At this stage, conscious suffering begins, lasting about nine weeks. When you believe in divorce still succeeds, the person is attacked by his present loneliness, fear of the future, helplessness. The feeling is as if the earth has left the ground. The support was - and now it is not. The meaning that was taken away, not to return, instead of it - a tangle of contradictions in the head and heart.

It becomes easier if you look at it from the side. So, it is necessary to talk more, discuss the situation with someone, try to put everything in order at least a little so that emotions are not knocked down, and insult and guilt do not mix with perplexity and anger.

If you go into depression and become withdrawn in yourself, it will lead to self-destruction, but it is necessary to find the strength to live on, to make plans, to have a new meaning.

You can not concentrate only on your experiences. If there are children in the family, it is also not easy for them, and the parents' task, let them be divorced, calm them, help them to adapt in an unaccustomed world.

Phase of residual phenomena

This stage can last about a year after the divorce. The stage manifests itself not in protracted suffering, but in short emotional shocks from common photos, random encounters and dates that the couple could mark together, and now they should not mean anything.

Common friends and traditions, which only married couple knew, make the heart ache as if a stupid needle had settled in it. A person does not always think about his divorce, but he can not completely forget, especially when he is not ready to face the changes face to face, and they overtake him so suddenly.

Completion phase

The final, final phase occurs sometime in a year. Grief loses its power, in its place comes sadness.

Time heals - and this is true. For a year it is necessary to reconcile that life goes on, and it is necessary to live somehow. To make new acquaintances and meet with friends, develop and progress, educate children and staunchly accept the sorrows of fate. As they are, and sometimes you have to meet joy alone - and the person understands it, gets used to it, learns.

Self-esteem is restored. A couple of years, there is a need for a new relationship with another person, a willingness to meet love.

A full life begins when pain is replaced by hope, the past does not pull after itself, it remains where it should be - far behind, while ahead, on the contrary, awaits fulfillment and realization of goals and desires. If a person is ready to see this shining light - he is ready to live on.