Treason for treason: is it worth retaliation for a loved one?

There is an opinion that treason is as terrible as death. With her arrival, the best feelings die: trust, openness, devotion. In most cases, they go away forever, and they can not be resurrected, like a dead body. A particularly bitter, irretrievable loss becomes trust. And without it, it is simply impossible to continue a full-fledged relationship between a man and a woman. Unfortunately, this is not understood by those who decide that treason for treason is the best option for punishing a traitor. In the heat of emotions, often thoughtless decisions are made, which further exacerbate an already difficult situation.

Treason for treason. Satisfaction or just punishment?

Is it worth it or not to be like the one who committed treason and betrayal first? Absolutely all specialists in the field of interpersonal relations, as well as psychologists say that - no.

Why, in their opinion, is treason for treason unacceptable in a relationship, even if already undermined by such a terrible thing as betrayal? Because this is a dead-end road, a road to nowhere. After all, in fact, we are talking about revenge, which is rightly associated with the pit, which, above all, the avenger digs himself. It is interesting that almost all people after such an act of retribution did not feel the long-awaited relief and even regretted what they had done.

Changed wife

This in our time already happens quite often. Although before treason was the "prerogative" of men only. Sexual freedom, broken stereotypes and discarded cliches led to the fact that female infidelity became the same "normal" phenomenon as men's.

So, in the family there is an unpleasant thing: the husband finds out that his wife is cheating on him or changing it once. It is known that men perceive the fact of such betrayal more sharply, as their self-esteem and the male ego are affected. Events develop after this for everyone in different ways. One collects things and leaves the house or exposes the traitor out of it. Another threatens to file for divorce, a third can and forgive (this is also not uncommon). There is another category of deceived husbands - those who decide on revenge. That is - treason for treason. In their opinion, this is just and puts both sides of the conflict in equal positions - no one feels stricken and humiliated.

With whom they will change their wife - it's not so important. The main thing is for the spouse to know about the act of revenge, to make her suffer and suffer, as it was with him, her husband. Often, these husbands choose friends, sisters or common with his wife friends to make it even more painful.

Punished for treason

So the husband explains his act to himself, his friends or his wife, if they still maintain a relationship. Although it is often impossible to stay together after such events.

And what do men feel? Do they feel satisfaction and relief? Many of them admit that they did not get the one for what they were going for it. On the contrary, after the deed they were tormented by conscience, there was a feeling of disgust. And feelings of humiliation and insult from the betrayal of the wife so nowhere and not gone ... But you must somehow punish for the betrayal of his wife? Punishment can be only one thing - it's forgiveness.

Treason of a husband

So it was led in our society that male polygamy is a normal and acceptable phenomenon for all its representatives. The fact that a married man is cheating is normal, some even approve of adultery. We will not talk about cases where the spouse lives a "double" life: has a "parallel" family or permanent mistresses. Here, no one can talk about love and devotion to a legitimate spouse, nor about other human feelings.

It so happened that his wife found out about her husband's infidelity. It could happen by accident or he himself admitted it. On how the fact of betrayal became known to the spouse, too much depends. For example, if the husband tried to hide everything and not let his wife know about his adventures, then he most likely was afraid of upsetting her, anger. In a word, I did not want to hurt her.

It's another matter if the traitor has decided to confess everything himself. Hence, he either wants to part with his wife, or acts as an honest man and very much cherishes his relationship with his wife. After all, he understands that between two loving people there can not be secrets and lies.

To change the husband in the answer or not?

Doing this also does not cost, regardless of who and with whom the spouse has changed. Offended woman is capable of much due to her emotionality, but this will not be a solution to the problem.

Wife avenges for treason, deciding to do the same. This for her is the justification of the act, because it is in its importance and content will be equivalent to what the husband did. What does a woman decide? She can offer sex to someone from friends, colleagues or even a stranger, who will meet you at the bar the day before. Yes, she will receive her compensation and, perhaps, she will feel proud that she has avenged her treason. But such an act will never bring moral and spiritual satisfaction.

Why do we want to take revenge

People who survive the shock of betrayal, do not know how to behave in this situation. Simply, no one has ever beforehand prepared for such a thing-everyone hopes that this bitter cup will blow them.

When betrayal collapses and simply breaks down life, very few people imagine what to do. After all, we must somehow live on, go to work, eat and sleep, and finally just exist. They include a protective mechanism from those processes that began to occur in their reality, which has radically changed with the advent of treason.

Therefore, many deceived people decide that the best way out of this situation for them will be "reciprocal" treason. This is not even decided by them, not by their mind and mind, which are simply "disconnected" during a period of special emotional state. At the moment there are absolutely other mechanisms of the human psyche.

We can say that at this moment they do not know what they are doing. Humiliated betrayal of a person is drawn to the most repulsive scenes of betrayal of his second half with another or another. To isolate himself and protect himself from this nightmare, the psyche obligingly offers him the only "right" way out - to avenge his betrayal of husband or wife.

Betrayal and forgiveness are compatible things

Forgive an unfaithful spouse or a spouse, if before there was love between these people , sincere feelings of affection and trust. The fact is that treason is treason. Someone will say that in the presence of such emotions, betrayal is impossible in principle, but it is not so. Everyone wants to live happily and die in one day, but we are real people who sometimes are weak.

But it could be that the spouse succumbed to the charms of an obsessive colleague, a friend who had long ago had his own kinds on him. In addition, "trips to the left" often occur under the influence of alcohol, on business trips (away from home), on corporate parties. But from this the husband will not become his wife to love less - it just happened, and he will curse himself for it. Of course, in such a case, answering betrayal for betraying her husband would be a huge mistake, as this could lead to the death of the relationship and the family.

The husband after all sincerely repents of the "deed", he is sure that this will never happen again and that the adultery was a fatal mistake and an accident. If he still asks for forgiveness for treason, then revenge definitely can not. If the wife does this, then the spouses are unlikely to maintain their relationship.

Where does revenge lead, or what comes in return

As mentioned above, sex with another partner, used as revenge for betrayal of a loved one, nothing but devastation, self-loathing and a feeling of emptiness, does not bring. This is especially acute for women who have decided to take such a step.

Statistics and various studies state the fact that almost all families fall apart after one of the spouses decides to commit treason in order to avenge their traumatic feelings. When he betrayed one, then the other and they both still have a chance to fix everything - to figure out who is to blame and how to behave further to everyone, so that this does not happen again.

Otherwise, it will be almost impossible to stop the destruction. Of course, there are couples who, after mutual betrayals, did not break off relations and continued to live on, but there are very few such. As a rule, such people do not have a joint future. Such is the payoff for treason.

So is it worth retaliation for a loved one for treason?

It is not worth it even because it is simply unprofitable in the emotional sense. After all, the person who has been betrayed, remains a moral right and an advantage over the traitor. That, in turn, to keep the relationship and family, will do everything to satisfy them. In other words, it will "redeem the guilt". These are gifts, flowers without a reason, trips, invitations to a restaurant and, most importantly, a lot of attention and care. This is just a person deprives himself if he decides to take revenge and do the same as his second half. First, he places himself with him on one level (that is, it turns out that he is not better than him), and secondly, deprives himself of the above advantages. But most importantly, it destroys the chance to save the family: after all, where both are changing, its existence is simply impossible.

To forgive treason it is possible

Many people ask whether it is possible and necessary to forgive deception and treachery? Definitely, yes, if there is a will and a will. You should never destroy a relationship, if there is at least a small chance of their salvation. It's not for nothing that they say that it's easy to break down, and building a new one is much more difficult.

The only thing you can do is understand and forgive, no matter how hard it was. Perhaps not even immediately, and then, when too sharp pain will pass or a little dull. Psychologists advise that you do not need to forgive quickly, even after such words: "Forgive me for treason." The wrong (or wrong) must suffer to realize the value of forgiveness. Otherwise, when it gets to him easily, it will depreciate and it is not surprising that it will change again and again. Once so easily and quickly forgiven for the first time, maybe the second time will cost?

Of course, there are families who survived such situations in life. Relief was helped by forgiveness and, most importantly, by a ban on raising and remembering this topic in the future. People agree to forget about everything and live on. And they live so happily for many years. True, as studies show, until the end of this story, no one can ever. It takes a lot of emotional and emotional forces to see a person who betrayed you every day and at the same time try to rebuild your relationship.

Love forgives everything

To avenge the betrayal of a loved one is not possible because he is a loved one. The words "treason", "revenge" are things incompatible with the feeling of love. It is impossible to hurt those who are dear and who are loved. They say that when you love, you can forgive everything. And this is true, because the very awareness of the loss of an expensive person is much more terrible than his betrayal, deception and perfidy.

If you can not forgive, it is better to disperse. And without hysterics and scandals, but with proudly raised head. And "escape" to someone else's bed to get compensation for the injury, just do not need: a loved one does not return, but self-esteem can be lost forever. Is it worth it? Still, everyone decides for himself.