The mother-in-law is the second mum? Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: the subtleties of relationships

Many young girls, having found the coveted husband, fall into the "hell". They now and then share with their girlfriends, sometimes contrived, experience. "My mother-in-law is a natural witch, she spoils everything!" Or "She does not give a living!" They say. Is it so? Is there an opportunity to establish an important women's issue? And is it worth it to try? Let's understand.

Correct ratio

You know, it's important to lay the first brick of the relationship so that then the "wall" does not mow and does not fall on your head scandals and grievances. Do you understand that your mother-in-law is the beloved mother of your adored spouse? Whatever it was, no matter what situations arise, but it must always be remembered that she is a native person. Think about it, because she was sitting at the cradle at night, cared and looked after this little boy, who now gives you so much happiness. The mother-in-law is the woman who put in your loved one not only the warmth of her heart, but also her strength and health. She cherished and nurtured him, educated him so that he would be your support and support. Everything that you love in your husband did not come "by nature". For many years, hour after hour, this woman with her thoughts and words shaped the character of her beloved: for you - a spouse, for her - a son. Is it possible to forget about this? The mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law are unlikely to quarrel if we look at the question globally, mother and wife are for the man the most beloved and revered women. Is it worth empty dissension, often built on frivolous selfishness, tearing his soul, making him choose? After all, you both love him, you want happiness.

How to understand it?

Unfortunately, the above reasoning does not help to solve a simple but extremely important practical question. No matter how much you talk about universal love, but you will inevitably come across an indisputable fact: your mother-in-law is a woman who has both advantages and disadvantages. But even this is not the most important thing. It is known that angels live in heaven. Here all the people are ordinary. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not differ much from each other in the "level of holiness". She just thinks and thinks not like you used to. Sometimes it is simply impossible to understand the logic of her actions. It seems that they are full of hatred or, at least, unfriendly. In this case, it is recommended to set aside for a while the emotions and to speculate. Imagine that the husband and mother-in-law lived for many years "in their own autonomous space." Nobody disturbed them, did not interfere. And now you have appeared! For him, this is a natural process. He chose you. And how should she react to such, albeit logical, "aggression"? After all, you "broke out" without asking, breaking into its established order. How would you treat yourself to such a thing?

Is it wiser than the elder?

Faced with the first misunderstanding, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law try to prove "who is more important". That is, they drop to the usual rivalry for the heart and thoughts of an expensive person, sometimes without thinking about the unbearable position that they put him in. Well, this is likely, even more so, often happens. It is necessary not to let things slide, "to catch the moment". This, however you may say, is the task of a younger woman. Why? Yes, if only because it is you who broke into her world. She does not have to open it to you. If you understand that you have to give in, in time to "step aside", to stretch out your hand is more important than proving your indispensability, then you will find a sincere friend. You do not seek to prove to yourself and others that your adorable husband was brought up by a neurasthenic with dictatorial inclinations? How could such a witch educate such a gentle, loving, caring person? That's the whole point. The mother-in-law and sister-in-law are very strongly connected, although they do not always feel it. They are the keepers of the peace of mind adored by both men. Who is the first to understand this is wiser.

About jealousy

There is another problem, which is sometimes explained by the inability to establish relationships in the family. It's jealousy. A woman who has invested all her soul in her son can not immediately abandon the "right to him." She does not want to reckon (in the worst case scenario) with the fact that he has his own life. This does not mean her egoism or any other moral defect. It is so natural that it is not immediately recognized by a woman. Not everyone analyzes his hidden feelings, perceived as a general background. They still need to get to know them. Here, the help of loving people is needed. After all, is not your mother's "monster" quite exactly? If you gently push it in the right direction, then she realizes that her offspring has more will, her own space. Imagine, the bride and mother-in-law (future) meet for the first time. What does everyone feel about what he thinks? Often, my mother gives in to the first evaluation. "This vertex will be" twisted "by my son ?!" she thinks. According to statistics, the first impression of a girl's son is negative. That's that. This is not the bride is bad, this is the mother's love for her son is great. She wants for him an "ideal" woman.

How to cope with jealousy

But this is already the matter of your upbringing, patience and tact. Do you know why this "black" jealousy of mother-in-law can break marital relations? Because the young woman is not sure of herself! If you sincerely believe in the love of your beloved, then nothing will prevent you from being happy. And when you experience discomfort, you yourself open the door to problems. Second - do not brush aside your mother-in-law. She herself will not "resolve". So it is not necessary to think. On the contrary! It is desirable to show attention and tact in your personal contacts. Seeing your sincere interest in your person, the woman will gradually change the first impression. You can say that your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will be best friends, even without expecting it. You just need to make a step forward. Yes, and in time you can be in a similar situation. And do not say that you will love any daughter-in-law! Generations are changing, families are being created, and the problem is "inherited". It has one solution - to treat each other with love and understanding.

From the man all depends (or almost)

In the establishment of relationships with the mother-in-law it is desirable to include a native spouse. Why, ask? Yes, as the "glue" that can perform a miracle and recreate a long-broken cup. Just do not ask to "talk to my mother." Will not help. But to arrange a general holiday, the discussion of burning issues without it will not work. Life in fact consists of small things. Today is a tea party. Tomorrow is a council about spirits, then ask for a pie recipe. Such steps and build prosperity. If you also connect your beloved man, then everything will be arranged quickly. You see, you need to put on the warmth and affection, which "flows" between the husband and you, him and his mother in law. Over time, this cloud will expand, including all aspects of the relationship.

Tale for an objective view of things

Someone will say that the legend of King Solomon is not entirely appropriate. However, the meaning in it is such that it is always worth remembering and applying in practice. Do you remember how he was approached by two women, each of whom defended their rights to the child? What did he reply? He decided to physically divide it for two. Naturally, the real mother immediately lost. The plot sometimes reminds of what two angry ladies do with their beloved man. Only one does not have enough intelligence to be a "real mother". Is it worth it to go down to this? You should always remember that you are not just fighting with your mother-in-law, he is going to the field of the soul of a living person who (like her) is dear to you.

We expand the circle of communication

Well, we concentrated only on mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? After all, there are still people in the family. One person can serve as a "trigger", that is, a catalyst for solving the problem. If a husband, wife and mother-in-law can not find a common language, then it's time to seek help. But do not rush to run to psychologists. There are people whose soul is ready to provide a sea of medicine that is more useful than official conversations and pills. This is your mother! Well, who else will be able to understand the problem so well, if not the woman who cherished and nurtured you! The recommendation is simple: let mother-in-law and mother-in-law jointly carry out a kind of "serious task". So experts advise. Two ladies can not get along if they just have to communicate. And when they face a common problem (affecting both), beware. Tear anyone who crosses up!

When the marriage broke up

You know, divorces are now commonplace, you will not surprise anyone. But if you have time to have children, then the husband leaves, and his mother remains in your life. Do not you want to deprive your child of a loving grandmother? Yes, and your mother-in-law will not let you. She can hate or tolerate you, but the kids will adore. Anyone who has encountered such a situation, says that the grandmother is becoming different. For the sake of her grandchildren, she is ready to forgive much the former daughter-in-law, to understand and not to notice. Just do not recoup on the unhappy woman. There are times when a divorced spouse tries to blame the former relative in his failure. Nothing can be corrected, but the children deprive one more loving person - it's easy. But why?

Difficult situations

Fortunately, two mother-in-law are not every woman. Yes, and they are already special problems do not deliver. Either with the first "cones nabili" and then are already trying to more correctly build relationships, or it is easier to this. But there are also such options, when mother-in-law begin to quarrel among themselves, proving, whose son, for example, is steeper, that is "the best husband". What is a "rich" daughter-in-law to do? Recommendations of specialists are reduced to the word "nothing". Let them "fight" among themselves, maybe they are bored, and not only do they watch TV shows, but they also lead an active life! Let the women have fun. Your main task: do not get involved. This is not at all an Ostrich tactic. On the contrary. This is a wise behavior: let others be who they are.

So who is this mother-in-law?

If you look from the point of view of the mother of the bride, then this is the mother of the daughter's husband. That is, some not quite close relative. This is such an erroneous statement that it gives rise to a lot of big and small troubles. No, with related ties, everything is correct. Only the relationship is not built from the family hierarchy, but to the soul. And it is from the perception of each other that the harmony of the family depends. It is important. We talk about the little things - how she looked, what she said and so on. And in fact we are talking about the whole family, which includes not only the young and the older generation, but also children, other relatives. The knot between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law, tied up on the negative, can disrupt the lives of many people, in any case - greatly spoil it. It is desirable to remember about this any of the "keeper of the hearth." True, it happens that both are very wise women, fortunately for their men!

The relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law is a delicate matter, but not enough to not understand this. If faced with inexplicable hatred, it is better to quarrel and find out what is in the minds of family members. Sometimes this "stress medicine" is much better than tact and ideal education. Openness in these relations is more important than "civilizedness", based on distrust and concealment of claims. As the last argument: from your fret depends the happiness of children that have already appeared or will soon be born. Is not their joy more important than their own "bloated" pride?