How to get rid of feelings of guilt

The sense of guilt psychology treats as a reaction to events where we were not at their best, failed someone, often - did not live up to expectations. In general, the emergence of this feeling is the litmus test of the person's adaptation to the society, the ability to evaluate their actions and to compare them with expectations. As with their own, and with the expectations of others. Within a reasonable. We can be to blame, that is, to feel guilty if someone is hurt, late, if we are responsible for "something went wrong." The problem lies in the fact that the lion's share of people tend to take responsibility for everything and everyone: Mom is upset, so I offended her. The husband today is wicked, so the soup is not good enough to cook, to blame. And much more. The principle, in general, is clear.

That is, often the circle of responsibility, and with it - the fault for not being able to fit into it, is expanding. This wine belongs to the category of neurotic, and it is necessary to get rid of it. However, it is usually very difficult to do this. The habit of blaming yourself for all the flaws of humanity densely sits in us and just will not disappear. So how do you get rid of guilt?

1. It is necessary to more clearly imagine the circle of your "powers". If this simple question causes difficulties, create a list where in a special way mark all those actions that most often cause another attack of guilt or those moments after which guilt arises unconsciously: "To be late for work", "Do not call if promised (a) "," Talking with Mom ", etc. You can devote a list of days to better understand what the root of the blame is.

2. When the list is ready, you can start analyzing it. If its basis is more or less precise and clear actions like "I broke my husband's phone", "I forgot about the anniversary," then this is a normal sense of guilt, which it makes sense to struggle with in exceptional cases. About them - below. However, if the list consists of similar descriptions, for example, "Could not fulfill expectations," "Something offended," "Unclear feelings of guilt after eating a bun" - this is an occasion to think about how to get rid of feelings of guilt. The more amorphous and vague the wording, the more often there is an "unclear and unjustified" feeling, the more you are deeper in yourself. But we are already halfway to the solution.

3. With a permanent sense of guilt, it is necessary to fight. First, we'll figure out where the legs grow from. Most "always guilty" were brought up in a family with high demands. Children in such families have almost no right to make a mistake, they are often compared to more successful classmates, neighbor's offspring. And, perhaps, the main thing: they are not taught to cope with anxiety and, that, however, less often, cultivate guilt.

How to get rid of feelings of guilt if you were brought up in such a family? First, to understand that you are not a child for a long time, now you have the right to decide when to test the blame, and when - not. Secondly, take your right to make a mistake. All living people are mistaken, from this (and this is an important remark!) Still no one died, the catastrophe did not happen.

4. Such auto-training is unlikely to have an effect in a short time. Take yourself in the habit of keeping track of the feelings of guilt and the thought that has arisen to replace the other: "I have the right to make a mistake. I accept myself." Over time, if such a habit really becomes regular, you will notice that situations that previously served as a lever for self-blaming attempts now cause a different reaction.

5. Let us return to those who permanently experience guilt in everyday and daily, but absolutely differentiated situations (see point 2). Think about whether you are caught on the hook manipulator? "Darling, you did not buy flowers, I will be offended," "Darling, if you continue to cook like that, I'll have dinner with friends at a restaurant." You are being manipulated. How to get rid of feelings of guilt of this nature? Accept as an axiom the fact that each person is not just responsible for their emotions, but also has the right to choose their own reactions to your actions: be it offense, anger, or other emotions.

Feelings of guilt are an unpleasant sensation. Psychology teaches him to cope.